rants and thoughts, anyone ?

2010-05-27T19:20:00.001+08:00

I KINDA LIKE TUMBLR ALREADY!

hi hi. phyllisw asked me to check out and create a Tumblr so here i am trying to get started. For previous blog posts for the busybodies you can visit zzztimethoughts.blogspot.com :DD

So i had a crazy cool lucid dream today about a portal, in a YCK laboratory-playground-kids hideout, to some ancient dinosaur land much like Avatar. I dreamt my mum was hiding some secret and rendezvousing with some guy, and a fat Caucasian man and his asian wife were helping me with something, and i was trying to transfer money to someone and i think i was thinking of telling the blogshop owner that i’d alr transfered the cash irl in my sleep lol.

and just recently i had another Jurassic-themed dream, this time including a me who could fly and a mutated talking dog. LOL.

im already liking tumblr for the huge fonts and rather idiot-proof interface, hmm let me check out the rest of the site! til the next update/post! :DD

bahhh.

2010-05-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

saoewihuaot??

uaceoiuulodajeuisutomaeeeituhoiametihueoraeewihuaot.....

iaweoinudoearewihuaotayeoiuu'odadeoi/ufoeaeeliiufotheroleswerereversed.

feeling grumpy.
tmr's plan please go through.

boredom

2010-05-10T23:35:00.001+08:00

i've been leading a pretty tame life lately, nothing to blog about.

realized aan hasnt visited my blog in ages because he recently commented that gaga's song, Alejandro (or smth) was so new and pretty cool. dude its been on my blog for ages!
dont knoe whether to feel happy or sad. lol

been working as a promoter again,
boring like karjgn.
and things havent been looking so good for me in terms of werk.
the whatever department sent a myst shopper/quality control guy to check up on me,
and i knew who the people were right when i saw them,
but i wasnt expecting them and my tiny brain died on me,
giving them a negative impression of me,
and hence, their feedback was pretty bad.
and then now theyre somewhat prejudiced against me, thats the vibe i get,
and they seem to be harping on my wrongdoings and not bothering about the times where i smiled from 1-9 and asked everyone to try my samples like some despo, saying im not working hard enough and blah3.

and because all the staff there but me are ....older,
some bigwigs keep giving me a fierce look, like they think i'll steal or whatever.
can i say, fuck you?

=.=
wth.
sigh~

however just recently things have been a lil livelier :DD
just saturday night i went clubbing with pippix and ryan,
and a bunch of their friends.
talked a little to this ang moh girl,
looks a lil like a model,
pretty sia.
lila, thats her name.
haha do i sound like a lesbian? lmfao

then weds butter fac with belle and just maeby lila.
thurs start working my last week (woohoooooooo!)
then after werk supposedly movie with ite ppl.

srsly need to start looking for another jawb.
but i've looked in the papers and most of them prefer chinese-speaking.
sian.

*edit:

oh and btw bby and i celebrated our seconda ANNIVERSARY together alr hehehehehe :DDD
and might be changing blogskin.

insomnia and/or nocturnia

2010-04-08T02:57:00.001+08:00

cant sleep at night as of late,
and its been getting "werse"

i still havent finish my dad's things,
i am getting very broke,
like only a few cents in my wallet right now.

practicing photoshop with neopets pictures,
its been awhile..
k im not ashamed to say that i kinda like neopets.
haha been looking at the pets instead of fb-ing.
thinnk i wanne incorporate some of the details into my drawings.
ceh. incorporate. lol
didnt go z today like i thought i would..
my mates all cant make it..
ok then, take care of your family first. :))
mine has been shit but hope its better for everyone else.

i kinda dun feel like going into nafa.
tsk.
but then, since i alr applied and sitting for the test soon and all,
might as well..
if i manage to get in then good for me lor i guess..

but cuz then i'll have to be dependent on my dad for money cuz the course stretches into the night at times
and how am i going to have a regular job n earn money?
wtf.
i dont want to sound/be ungrateful,
i suppose its good that my dad still gives me a bit of spare cash,
but its srsly not enuff lar..

its nt like ive been spending frivolously or what,
i dont even buy big branded stuff..
i havent even been shopping..
no brand also nv get to buy.

everytime when i ask him for money,
i feel so .. uncomfortable..
i dont knoe which i dislike more,
the fact that at my age im still taking money from my dad for every damned thing,
or the fact that he always gives small amounts each time, so i have to keep asking.

im sure in his heart,
to quote princess,
he's like,
"duit lagi...."

lol. even if he honestly doesnt, I DO!

and then theres my dream of studying for and buying materials and setting up my silly old shop..
and having somewhere to stay by the time im 23..

can anyone offer mie anything illegal to do so i get can rich quick?
lol bad joke..

but at the rate im going,
dun even need to think about it my dream man!

:((

2010-03-31T02:21:00.001+08:00

FUCKING PISSED OFF.

2010-03-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

if anyone here knows of my "feud" with the moled asshole,

you should know that i have been trying to control myself and ignore him when he tries to spite me,

which is why my blog has been mole-free for some time,

but today takes the cake.

i was just minding my own business using my laptop,

when he walks past and makes some remark about mie.

i was like, im just doing my own thing wtf you start being a loser?

then my mum starts siding with him because she heard me say "loser"

and she starts flaming me for everything she doesnt like about me,

my boyfriend my rabbit my not being at home my life, says im useless, etc etc etc.

WHAT THE FUCK MAN.

i didnt even do anything wrong sia

i was just minding my own damn business.

for what she want to play hero,

SIDE THE WRONG PARTY ALSO kns

nag nag nag bitching abt me to me in front of me nag nag nag

i was pissed and i told her to shut up, clearly she didnt hear what that prick said about me.

dunno, dun play hero, keep quiet and keep out of it.

then she says im rude and starts hitting me and at first i hit back;

i was blinded by anger of the unfairness,

but after i realized what i did i stopped defending myself,

resulting in blows to my head and my back.

and like i mentioned she started shooting me,

abt everything she doesnt like,

and i'll admit, it broke me.

aan nv do anything to her, kena flame.

my love for him, kena flame.

my rabbit nv do anything to her, kena flame.

what can a rabbit do sia? knncbNB.

the fact that im currently jobless, kena flame.

but did she even think,

is it my fault that the nafa test is on the 14th?

am i in the wrong if people dont want to hire temp?

i alr submitted my resume to a few companies,

i havent heard back from 3 and the others wanted me to werk full-time/with bond,

which i CANT at the moment because nafa is a pending case.

how does that make me a useless bum?

how the fuck can an innocent bunny annoy you? she doesnt even step into the garden!

she's nt the one cleaning up after it,

WHICH ISNT EVEN DIFFICULT TO DO.

she sides that demon most of the time and she never ever punishes or hits him,

because he hits her back and he's nearly as tall as her.

so am i, height-wise, but 've been trying to be nicer to her and setting a good example and blah,

even tho she's shit at parenting,

so she knoes i wont hit back,

and this is what i get.

i'm crying hard right now

and that fucker is smirking away upstairs.

i've said this when i was 15, and i'll say it again.

i swear, by the time im 23, im going to be free of them.

long time no post

2010-03-29T05:56:00.000+08:00

so yeah.
like i said in my prev post,
wanted to blog abt swimming and what not so people knoe i have a life.
hahahahah kidding.

kso swimming with sha hersis and hersisfriend, kellyne.
stays at some cluster type of condo-low or smth at bukit timah.
dont like the layout of the house but it's still nicer than mine.

and the pool's kinda nice.
lent the sarcastic sisters 2 of my swimsuits cuz they dont have? theirs..
luckily i have a sets or else one of us would have had to swim naked. LOL kidding.

then i forgot whatever else i did before i got angry at fa'an in the previous post hahaha arent we always fighting and making-up? :))

hmm.
recently watched movie with him after what felt like aaaaages...
we watched Alice in Wonderland in threeee-deeee....
the evaporating power that Chesire has is too kewl.
like srsly.

hmm 2 days back he was werking.
hmm so the day before yesterday was his first day off.
i waited so many freaking hours for him..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @.@
and i didnt even shout at him.
so surprised at myself. but i did cry a little bit after that HAHAHA.
im so sensitive laaaa.

but in the end he came,,
after i told him no need to come i dont wanne wait anymore im gunne do my own things.

haha.
and he stayed the night with mie,
was so happy cuz its been a while since we last snuggled up together.
but actually he did most of the sleeping,
i was watching the Glee dvd he brought over for mie.
i;d rate it 7.5/10.

hmm then yesterday (or just now) we met up..
he wanted to buy a pair of jeans at zara i think..
but i hadn't eaten the whole day as i slept at like 10am after watching glee (haha)
and i was craving for mee soto.

so he wanted to be sweet and bring mie to somewhere with good n cheap mee soto (yum)
i didnt knoe where he was taking mie to,
so as i pillion rider i just Shut Up and Enjoy The Ride (lyrics lol)

because, its just a ride, its just a ride, no need to run, no need to hide.
hahahaha crazy

so anyways,
we went all the way to bugis to find the chinese eatery there closed.
i always cant remember the name right,
the name, "teng kong" or smth is ringing in my head but i dont think thats it.
it sounds like seng shiong sia! hahahahaha

then idky he got agitated and wtf
but whatever.
we got over it pretty quickly.
and i really do appreciate the sweet gesture,
bringing mie all the way to bugis from yew tee to eat mee soto :))

So we went to orchard to walk around, and because he wanted to look at Mango. apparently there's a men's line but we couldnt seem to find it. so veirdd.

end up we ate subway and i had a foot-long which is usually no problem for mie but;;
i normally eat mine with italian bread, and they only had like either wheat or honey oat left.
so i chose the closest, wheat, and idky but i kinda struggled to finish it. even tho i was freakin hungry.

dont like the wheat bread. prefer the crispy italian toasted bread.
k im getting hungry.HAHA.

and i dunno why but he was kinda moody or smth, ~~again~~,
i think i ate with the grace of a beggar, thats why. i think.
HUNGRY WHAT.
hahahaha

i tried to make small talk but failed miserably as i usually do when it comes to him,
but after that we sat near the parking lots near far east shopping centre,
where we watched vids on his ipod and talked quite a bit.
laughed quite a bit, bantered around somewhat like in the old times..
talked a bit abt the future n our dreams, and whatnot..

got reminded of why i love him so.
but then again,
im kinda loving him less, in a sense.
cuz i cant rly be arsed abt certain things anymore.
its like, im not holding on tightly anymore,
which is how guys love it, i guess =.=

but its like i dont really care anymore, if he finds someone else.
but i do.
orly?
am i making sense?
cuz im confusing myself =.=

well screw it,
we're over tht now and still happy together.
however if he ever repeats his stupidity,
i wont repeat mine.
i'll make sure he dunno where to put his face.
you knoe la, men and egos.
*evil*

MUAHAHAHAHA.

cey. step evil.
im so pink and fluffy, ugly betty and i could be sisters.
hahahaha

k la,
its like 6am alr,
gunne sleep.
was looking for part-time/temp jobs online.
and fb-ing aand playing NEOPETS AHAHAHAHHA

:)) take care everyone, take care mie. take care belle. hahahaha

klame.

byyye

eetjhyredf

2010-03-21T03:52:00.000+08:00

damn unhappy now.

wanted to blog about previous days spent swimming and helping pu3 prepare for her bf's bdae and fa'an and mie being sweet and happy,

something has to happen to piss mie off.

sat, sun, mon.

2010-03-16T05:31:00.000+08:00

Saturday night clubbing was quite fun.

at first i was out with bby,
then belle asked if i wanne go playground z.
hahah! playground seyyyy.

i wanted to go, but then i wanted to spend more time with fa'an.
yet at the same time dun wanne go cuz i'd woken up earlier than usual and feeling tired.
but end up, i went la.

In the start mcm biase,
like normal2...

belle with her guy friends,

i was a lil bored sia. hahaha

waiting for a good song to dance to,
wait3..
walk here walk there..
zirca rebel zirca rebel zirca..
normal.

then towards the end i asked belle to ask lester if he had extra coupons..
when we were outside, they talking halfway,
suddenly dj m played one of my faves.
i was so happy/excited, my eyes went round and i started jumping, clapping, and ran screaming all the way back to the podium.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....!!!

confirm the door hosts outside think im mad. lol.

dance,
then the next song that played was my fave too!
i screamed again.
AAAAAAAAAAAAA...!!!!

then this ang moh beside mie, hahahha.
he immediately covered his ears and he was like,
"could you please stop screaming??"

but he was smiling when he said it so idk.
i just grinned back and stood elsewhere closer to the dj and cont dancin'.

then another favourite played!
another scream frm mie!!
more dancing!
lol.
happpyyyyyyyy...

then suddenly belle was beside mie,
holding my arm and giving mie that, "are-u-alright" look.
i wanted to laugh,
because i wasnt drunk at all (i only had 2 shots of tequila)
just on some kind of, all-your-faves-are-playing fever. lol
dance3, suddenly thought of princess.
things would be so perfect if she was there.
then when i snapped back to earth,
i realized i was dancing the way she dances.
lol.
my mind wandering here there everywhere,
then i realized got this grp of guys poking fun at the way i dance.
Whatever, boys :))

AND THEN ANOTHER FAVE CAME ON.
scream. heart-shape sign. big smile. dance.
sukaaa. i was like a mad monkey, srsly. HAHAHAHAHHAHA

i would have left with a tired body but happy heart,
if it wasnt for us somehow getting separated at the end..
was quite pissed with that cuz i was left alone.

but sigh~
it happens.

luckily some of aan's friends were there and they saw mie.
they companied mie for a while,
went mac to eat.
while at mac i saw amir dawg.
he was with his friends but he companied mie and asked mie to join them,
cuz farhan's friends left shortly after amir came to say hi.
then found out , apparently, my name got mentioned in fb
by some relation of fa'an/colleagues,

happy sia i saw amir. lol.

after tht went home, sleep,
wake up,
lazed the day away if i remember right.
bought a dress from an online shop.
hope it looks good on mie :DD

today monday...
his first day off.
i spent the afternoon with sasha :DD

waxed my legs, 30$.
wallet's a lot lighter now :((

bby went zirca.
i didnt knoe zirkky opened on mondays too.
i msged him a bit..
then after while he nv reply.

i knoe la, ppl enjoy why i disturb.
but believe mie,
all kinds of scenarios, good and bad, started playing in my head.
then i couldnt help but get a lil insecure, hence staying up to call him when z closes.
call, nv pick up.
i kept calling him back, cuz its exactly what he would do,
so i hope he understands how i feel.
but when he finally called back, after a while his voice started sounding irritated.
guess it was too much to expect.

he doesnt like it when i call him then keep quiet.
for mie i just wanne hear his voice for a bit,
knoe where is he,
and i dont wanne recklessly say things that would annoy him.
i only have one mouth and so it'll be quiet when im trying to compose my thoughts and say the right things whaaaat... :((

sometimes i dont knoe why i love him the way i do.
when things between us are kinda complicated.
and he doesnt love mie like before.
he does love mie still tho, i guess..
but i'll admit,
im starting to tire of always being shouted at, verbally abused (vulgarities), whatever he does when he's angry with mie.
sometimes he gets angry over tiny, RIDICULOUS things.
he's easily losing his patience with mie and he knoes it.
he's apologized before,
thats one of the reasons why i love him,
he's humble enough to apologize and take blame. (at times. lol)

but i kinda still have a limit, y'knoe..
eeef this impatient behaviour continues,
i dont think i want to stick around for long..

but the sickening thing is,
its gunne take my all to "break free" from him.

2010-03-11T05:34:00.002+08:00

where is that special friend who can cheer mie up when im unhappy, advice mie with my problems, and wreak havoc with mie anywhere under the sun..?

uncertainty

2010-03-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

people, if i start a e-store, will you guys help mie raise awareness..?
i've been toying with this idea for so long.

i've been thinking of going to classes and short courses to improve myself,
i've been thinking of going to nafa,
also thinking of taking a psychology course..
but i dont think i'll get accepted into poly with my less-than-3.5-grades..
i wanted Visual Merchandising at Bishan so bad,
but some guy (who was pretty rude, might i add?) told mie it was full,
and he called so early in the morning when i was still sleeping and groggy when i answered the call.

i had wanted them to keep my application until a month after the course started.
cuz there's always the chance of students dropping out or changing courses in the start of the year.
dunno if that guy threw it away or what. wtf. :(((

then just nw lavin called to say he kena rejected by RP also. ryan too.
then maeby lavin wanne apply at Simei.
for mie its like damn far can..
the other side of the freaking island...
hmmm...

thinking of going to NAFA...
but its like, although i wanne move forward, something unknown is holding mie back.
i have no idea what im so uncertain about!

im thinking and thinking and thinking.
i think im afraid to step into the uknown.
is that my problem??

what if my e-store fails?
how will i stand out?
where will i get the capital from?
where will i source for clothes?
i knoe im nt gunnne sell the usual korean/jap/vintage-inspired stuff.
neither am i gunne sell all-black stuff like that bshop, whatever its name is.
where will it be hosted?
blogger?
livejournal? (......nahhh)
facebook?
my own website? (appealing, but,)
hw will the website's layout be like?
who will do up the graphics and links for mie?
can i afford their services?
too bad i didnt pay more attention in remy's class.
see estee, your fault.
how will i update?
i've to make surveys and all that...
then i'll have to buy this and that,
where will the money come from?

i think best for mie is a Facebook group.

i knoe im going to have some special features (nt gunne say nw)
which is why i wanne take up courses.
did a lil bit of research alr.
hmmmmm...

and then there are some things which i've started but nt finished.
like my portfolio and my license.
for my license imma need bette shoes.
which requires money.
fuck la money money money.
anyone knoes where i can make fast money? lol

im so gunne fuse my brain with all this thinking,
skewl, werk, e-store....
argh.

anyways,
did i mention?
went to sentosa with the firemen and their girlfies.
for a family-day event.
ironically they brought their girlfriends only. hahaha

kkk, any advice for mie just msg mie thru celly or fb.
bye peeps!

so many things i've not blogged about..

2010-03-05T16:48:00.000+08:00

so hi.
updation of blogation in progression...

(im so freakin lazy,
i keep telling myself i wanne werk on my portfolio but it doesnt happen.
kena sound by my dad alr. lol)

so anyways,
browsing around fb,
i realized there are some things i've not updated, whoever reads my blog, about.

like, recently bby brought mie kite-flying, bowling, and sentosa-ing with him, his friends and their girlfies.
i think i blogged abt sentosa but nt the other two?

and i absolutely suck at bowling can?
you knoe when u lift up the ball, curve your arm then let the ball roll onto the lane,
i cant do that motion smoothly.
cuz the ball's freaking heavy and i keep feeling like ima drop the ball on my toes.
and sometimes my thumb gets kinda stuck in the hole, and when the ball flies away from mie my thumb will jerk out of the hole and the ball's direction will be altered.

i had like, so many gutterballs..!

then played arcade, then the place suddenly tripped and blackout-ed. lol.

***

hmm.. last weds..
zirc with usual suspects..
after that had some minor misunderstanding...
they thought i paitao them.
but i had no intention of doing that..
sigh~
lets see how this goes,
i dont really knoe how i should react.
wait for them to msg first then.. cuz i guess that means theyre over it..?

then went to have breakfast with bby.
we also had a misunderstanding and a tiff at the carpark at my block.
like wtf?

but in the end, as per normal, everything's ok.
today marks 22 months together actually.
so yeah, im thankful and all that.
and we'll be going for his company's family gathering or smth..
wonder what we'll do on our second anniversary...

actually i was fine..

2010-02-25T04:49:00.000+08:00

feeling alright,,
but then while linking people and putting up their pictures,
i began to browse my previous posts,
i do that sometimes to keep myself in check,

and i read up on all the unhappiness..
haiya.....

why am i so freaking stupid?
naive. dumb. trusting. too nice. too easy. ditsy. too willing to please.

why arent i stronger, more independent, more in-charge?
why do i get so timid sometimes..?

why cant i be more....
bitchy..?

no one messes with the bitch,
theyre all afraid of what she'll do.

but then again everyone hates the bitch.
i dont want to be hated, thats for sure.

but the nice trusting girl always gets played.

but then again since i'd agreed on a fresh start..
considering apparently how hard it was to tell mie the truth..
considering the fact we've been together for nearly 2 yrs alr,

he's serious abt mie...
right..

people's advice to mie are all the same.
"if he can do it once, he'll do it again"

suddenly i just thought of,
"once bitten twice shy"
the part of mie that loves him is helping him.

then again,
eeeef, touch wood,
he decides to cheat on mie again,
he'll knoe hw to cover up and all that alr.....
and i'll be the lame ass fool again.

tell mie im just being paranoid..?
i have access to his fb,
like he has to mine,
i can check his phone and get people to look-out for mie,
but i think its a real lack of privacy so i dont,
(althought i'll admit, sometimes im real tempted to check his phone,
but such things are pointless)

looking back at the happier pictures recently..

i knoe i still love him.
so whats this feeling..?

i need to focus on getting past this.
b, showmieulovemie

weird stupid wtf = mangkok

2010-02-18T02:37:00.000+08:00

today.
lavin and mie went to chong pang to give some ite letter to the people or whatever.
lavin said asked darwis they all but they din reply.
end up, the date to hand-up was 25th.
his mother die2 want him to try give today.
went all the way there on adult fare sia.

then went back amk to collect ite cert.
the other time i went with hambali they all,
i happily catching up until i forgot.
all of them took alr except lavin and mie. LOL.

because we wasted time at chong pang,
we reached amk late.
by a bit only sia, then the csc closed alr.
so we decided to just try2 the staff room.
end up, we have to go back on another day. lmfao.

then went to woodlands to slack.
we were so bored,
walk around, bought bby something,
then we ended up going to the arcade.
HAHAHAH.

waited and waited for the Technika game,
but some arse was hogging it for so long.
while waiting we walked back and forth the arcade dunno hw many times,
then decided to just play something la!
haha

we dunnno what to play and dunno who suggested the table hockey thing.
when we swiped the card, the machine ate our credit.
wtf!

went to nag at the cashier (HAHAHA)
and we got complimentary credit or smth??

dunno wtf.
then tried playing guitar hero,
which both of us nv really play before,
then our card no credit for multiplayer,
so i pushed lavin to the guitar.
he so blur, go set the game to EXPERT mode,
HAHAHAHAH, suay sia he.
then some guy came to watch lavin epicly fail at the game.
i laughed so loud sia, hahaha.

then finally the technika hog went away and we went to try.
actually lavin tried first.
quite cool uh.
then when wanne top up the card for my turn,
the arcade closing alr.
wtf!

then go to some place called the titanic.
stupid name lmfao!
then slack there.

we talking3,
then suddenly some random woman in stripey pink shirt and white pants
stuck her hand in my face and demanded tissue from mie.
i like, "huh????? oh okay"
then dig around in my bag for the tissue,
all the tissue fell out of the plastic =.=

i apologized to her then put the tissue nicely then gave her the whole pack.
she just walked off with it sia.

i got a bit pissed la,
then i commented to lavin,
"wah lao, so rude. no please no thank you no nothing"
i think she heard la,
but i didnt bother at that time.

then talk2,
around 11 plus
lavin asked mie to look behind.
i thought he was going to bullshit mie abt some ghost story,
so i refused to look.
then his face grew serious, i was like, sia la what sia lavin??
i turned.

we saw the woman climbing the railing sia.
if u dunno wheres titanic,
its above the bus bay,
all the buses driving out.
SHE WANTED TO JUMP SIA!!!

then only i really noticed she was really crying and all,
i straight away regretted what i commented sia.
srsly omg. :((((

then she like pause...
then climbed down the railing.
squatted down and cried sumore..

our mood totally spoiled sia.
and guess what we were talking about before?
depression.
WTF MAN!?!?!?!?!????????

FREEEAAAAKKKYYYYYYYY...

then since she not at the railing anymore we look away,
afterall its rude to stare and i dun wanne fight with an emotionally unstable person... *shudder*

after awhile resume talking half-heartedly,
a packet of tissue appeared beside my face and a soft, "thank you girl"
i felt bad again sia :'(((((((

AND THEN AH,
the thing thats reallt what-the-fuckity-fuck,
she offered mie a tenner and said,
"i give u ten dollars, you call my family to come and collect my dead body in ten minutes"

FML.

i mangkok sia.

i was like,
wtf? 10 bucks for a life?? no way auntie"

she was like,
please girl, please... i give u 20? pls girl help mie

and she was looking into my eyes with that crying face
WTFWTF?!?!?!???

i was like so lost, dunno what to do,
"auntie why u cry? what happen?"
then lavin was like, whats wrong auntie, suicide is not the answer"

blah3, two 18yr olds counselling a 40something woman.
lol..??

she refused to tell us much la,
i dont blame her seeing we're strangers to each other,
but we just tried to console her and all that,
and she was like,
" i die better la, if u jump from here confirm can die, blahhhh3"
we like persuading her to chill and enjoy life,

lavin the idiot even told her,
auntie the 20$ u wanted to give her,
take it and go buy some liquor.
go home sleep wake up be happy.

HAHAHAAH GREAT ADVICE, LAVIN.
i laughed out loud sia.

so inappopriate of mie, but so was what he just said.
maeby he was trying to make her laugh la, idk

then we both dowanne let her jump because not only it'll be on our conscience forever,
i experienced depression before and one of lavins friend committed suicide at 15, and i think he saw the dead body.
and the fact that it'll be on our conscience forever.

and, the fact that it'll be on our conscience FOR. FREAKING. EVER.

we talk to her for awhile,
found out she doesnt smoke or drink,
but recently picked up smoking because she heard it could de-stress (srsly? =.=)

i think she calmed down alr,
she said wanne go toilet,
we sent her to the toilet.
HAHA.

then come out,
she asked if she could talk to mie sometime.
I MANGKOK SIA.
then she start tearing up again
and i panicked,
"okokokok auntie.
but i dun have pen. i only got eyeliner."

hahahaha!!! her face like wtf
xDD

"ok nvm i ask"
u knoe how she ask?
same like how she asked mie for tissue.
just said,
"you got pen?"
to some guy walking past.

i see the guys "wtf" face i want to laugh sia.
but kept quiet la.
lol

then i gave her my number,
she started tearing up when she said
"u talk to mie ok girl??? u talk to this stupid old woman ok?"
then she just walked away

lavin n mie like "what now...?"
then sumore thee train was approaching and i was afraid it'd be the last train,
and i told aan i'd be home before 11 but it was alr past 11.
but during the ride home my heart was still thumping sia.

to the people who waited for this post,
sorry it took so long.
i got distracted by some stuff :PP

hw many days was i gone?

2010-02-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

so yeah. how many days was i gone???

come back to find my music player's messed up on imvu. wth.
even on my blog, it keeps stopping. so irritating.

but im too lazy to change it, recently i keep sleeping.
if i were to go to hell after i die (CHOYYY)
it would most likely be because of my laziness.
LIKE SRSLY.

everyday sleep eat shit sleep enjoy sleep online sleep online go out sleep.
HAHA.

cny visiting,
all rightt la.
went to 2 houses only.
somehow i get the feeling this year we wont be going to a lot of houses.

at night for valentines day,
ate at mykii at holland v with bby.
it was our second valentines' together.
wow.
cant believe we lasted this long..
:))
HE GOT MIE A CACTUS!!!
ahahaha.
he made the pot himself,
and made a mess out of his room with the sand and
hot wax dropped on his fingers while he was trying to stick the sand.
now he knoes the pain of DIY too :DD
but sweet of him la.
hahahah.

a friend of mine took his gf to tioman for vday.
wow, so sweet :DD

recently went kite-flying with him n his long-time close friend, n his gf.
pics up on fb alr. and our jumpshots,
damn funny. esp my face. lol

got more to talk abt but lazy. hahaha!!

okok bye :DD

lets have some fun, this beat is sick

2010-02-09T03:27:00.000+08:00

hmm.
my previous post, few hours after that, bby apologized, and it was heartfelt.
:))

monday, yesterday,
went to vivo with him to retrieve his LG phone which was sent for repair.
Then after that met up with Huiling, Chilton, Clara, Panda, Belinda, Chong Der, and surprisingly, Mr Remy.
Did i forget anyone else?
Ate at Seoul Garden @ Bugis.
I forgot Jack werked there sia!
haha. Was momentarily surprised to see him, haha.

Ate, chatted,
OH YA.
I ATE FOR FREE.
haha
remy paid.
i FELT BAD SIA!
like most of them paid,
but i happy2 ate for free.
i offered to pay remy back,
he said no need,
i felt bad sia.
hahahaha!

then after that phyllis joined us for a while.

laughed.
snapped pics.
the jumpshots, omg.
cant wait for it be uploaded!

and im getting very lazy lately,
I CANT EVEN BE BOTHERED WITH IMVU!

IMVU!!

when usually im so addicted.
i have 2 things im devving halfway,
i cant be arsed abt it sia.
my homepage also halfway done.

my god.
whole day facebook only.

problematic?

2010-02-07T01:10:00.001+08:00

weds was our 21st month together.

weds morning/afternoon.
squabbled.
his fault.
i wasnt happy but i forgave him.

weds night.
argued.
my fault.
he wasnt happy but he forgave mie, i think.

thurs morning.
fought.
his friends were keeping an eye on mie last nite,
as if i 'm the one who needs to be.
but on the other hand i dont own the place and other races can enter easily now that the management's changed. they have the right to be there.
they told him I followed some guy go dunno where.
fcuking nb.
i knoe that guy la sia,
and we were only walking between to and fro rebel and zirca,
with my girlfriend also what.
***!

he was the one that gave my friend and i free entry.
obviously have to layan him right.
it wasnt like i was flirting with him,
and he was talking to my friend 99% of the time can, not to mie also.
wtf.

then aan got so angry because he thought i went somewhere with another guy, drunk.
anyhow sia.
din even bother to get the facts straight first.
early morning called mie,
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you,.

i cried badly and
we fought hard.
everything was very messy and for a while
(this afternoon & evening)
i felt very bitter towards his friends.

but then after we talk3,
i realised its his fault la,
for jumping to conclusions.
not his friends fault.
if my friends asked mie to keep an eye on their other half, i would do it too.

just now in the evening he texted mie, despite him telling mie not to contact him after i hung up on his fuck-yous.
i knoe he's sorry even if he doesnt say it.

but the damage's been done.

sigh~~~
whatever la.

its 1.57am when im starting this post;

2010-02-05T03:54:00.001+08:00

which means its fri morning alr.
oh my

how time flies after weds.
zirca was gerek. epic. superb.
hahaha!

there were a few embarrassing/unsatisfying things la,
like how my eye-candy door host wasnt at werk, getting news that that girl would be coming down to rebel, bouncer and bartender saw princess and mie posing for pictures in an empty smoking room upstairs..
hahaha.
we were the only ones in the room, but anyone walking past can look into the room.
funny sia.
but the place is quite nice to take pictures in.
mirrors and lightings and red seats...
princess just step on the cushion/seatings, srsly like we own the place. lmfao!

then took the lift down,
(nv knew there was an elevator in zirca)
waited for belle to reach.
and she came on a moto sey.
hahahaha.

initially i was friggin cold,
shivering in Rebel ok.
damn cold.

walk in and out of rebel and zirca,
started to dance abit,
got warm,
blah3,
& i only drank ONE ALCOHOLIC DRINK,
a lychee martini,
and i started getting tight in the chest and the "soon to be tipsy" feeling.
i hadnt been drinking alcohol in the past week.
ONLY! omg. weak sia.lol
then princess wanted to go toilet, asked mie to follow her as belle was with her cousins and friends.

then i realized i had tissue stuck to my new high heels.
FML, MALU SIA.,
hahaha.

but right now when i look back,
im laughing and giggling to myself.
so funny xDD

then,
since at that time i was embarasssed,
and the songs at rebel tak sedap,
we went to and stayed at zirca~

all our fave songs and earwerms were played.
so happy.
bad romance, show mie love, kylie minogue electro-ish remix, riverside...
many more.
nice songs uh..
theres this song, i really want on my phone, but i dont knoe the title.
its played quite often at zirca.
deng.... deng deng...
HAHAHAA as if ppl reading will knoe what song!

then during one of the songs, i kena pulled up on the "stage"
i dont knoe what to call the 2 cubes u can dance on.
then i didnt wanne struggle or refuse too strongly as i was afraid of falling in my heels :PP
(nt rly used to the platforms, need to wear them more often)
then since standing there, you've caght people's attention and theyre looking at you.
confirm u dowanne be like stupid2 right.
so just dance.
dance, happy2 feeling2,
it started getting very crowded on the small platform
and i was dancing at the edge of it alr sia,
and i suddenyly lost my balance and really almost fell off.
lucky the people behind and beside mie pulled mie back.
IF NOT,
I SHUDDER TO THINK WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED.
UGHHH.

hahaha!
i was abit shaken in a light-hearted way (am i making sense?)
and i was tightly hugging the girl who pulled mie back,
laughing and thanking her for the close shave.
then i looked around mie,
i saw the people forming this protective barrier around mie,
so touched can~!
strangers in a club,
looking out for mie.
i felt like hugging all of them sia HAHAHA
makes mie smile when i think back.
hahaha lmfao~
sweet sia.
:))

then after a couple of songs,
feeling2 lagi,
got down and joined princess again.

then people keep wanting to dance with us sey..
got this guy, from last week or last2 week,
and his friend i rly dont like. the friend step drunk touch my ass sia, kns!

ok la,
to be fair,
i dont knoe for sure if he was drunk or sober,
but he danced like .... drunk,
with his arms flailing everywhere,
and kept grinning in this weird way,
like some drunk people do,
and kept sticking his face in my face O.O

but the thing that makes mie suspect he's faking the mabokness;
when i started telling princess abt it and giving him the evil eye
he walked away very quickly.

then got another guy kept wanting to dance with mie.
i reject how many times alr he still nv give up sia,
disturb mie when im trying to get my dance on.
irritating.
not even suggestive lor, the way i dance.
just normal trance swaying of hips.
dance with someone else la.

i went to smoke in the zirca smoking room,
princess teman mie.
sit and cool down for a while,
i wasnt done smoking yet when infinity started playing~
wth!
faster puff2, then we ran back to the podium sia
HAHAHAHA!

danced myself out.
went home with throbbing feet crying on the platform heels,
but a happy heart <33

(all this, for free.
just love ladies night)

so far so good

2010-02-03T17:21:00.001+08:00

rara uhuhuuh raramamamama...

well, like the title says, everything's been bearable so far..
havent been doing much recently,
bf and i always fight, but we always end up saying, "i love you."
well, almost.... hahaha.

HE'S A MONSTER, MAMAMAMONSTER, THAT BOY IS A MONSTER....

this is my first post using the new blogger post thingy.. interface looks kinda nice..
weds night, tonight, tonight :DD
thinking of telling ...
hmmmm.....

oh yeah btw ,
i've edited the template to include ARCHIVES!!!! yeah!!

dont knoe if im going for the grad ceremony tmr... sigh..
what the hell are court shoes?
im going to get ready for zirca now :))

deep down,
im still very shaky..
i AM slowly improving myself, letting go and looking forward,
i am pleased about that,
but im not too sure of marriage annymore..

in fact, im not so sure abt the male specimen anymore.
why is it,
EACH GUY,
whom i have given my all,
100% in each aspect of the relationship,
trust especially,
ends up playing mie for a fool?
:(((

im probably just being emoshit right now,
but yeah,
this is what im feeling.

or is it that
im too much of a prude,
and that my expectations are too high??

i still do have that faint hope of being with a decent guy,
very faint but still there..
one who will listen to mie and make mie happy..

but mostly i think,
i shouldnt depend on any guy,
and create my own happiness.
i can focus on my career (heh, if i ever get started LOL)
and if i ever want children,
i can adopt,
or find a suitable guy to be a sperm donor.

hahaha, people who just read that sentence will be like,
wtf estee?! O.O

EVACUATE THE DANCEFLOOR, IM INFECTED BY THE SOUND, STOP THIS BEAT IS KILLING MIE, ZIRCA DARLING HERE I COME!!

ps,
i would love to visit zouk again :DD

:((

2010-01-28T21:33:00.003+08:00

whats wrong with mie,,,?

i cant stand seeing any pictures of him clubbing or driving a car.
esp if its dated nov 09 onwards.
like !@%^&^#,
i'll just feel so negative,
then angry,
and i dont knoe what.

but somehow i feel i dont have the right to get angry??
he's just driving..!

but i'll start remembering him cruising her around in the car to OUR PLACES.
while im at genting with my family.
nb.
and i'll get so ...tight in the chest.
i dont knoe what feeling is this.

and to think i thought i was the only special girl he drives around.
wake up la estee you dumb betch.

:(((

dah i need to go do something.

Bitter heart, bitter heart tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart shadows will help you try to hide,
Bitter heart, my bitter heart is just getting a little fragile,
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine, of mine, of mine....

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35105647/ns/today-today_people/?GT1=43001

2010-01-28T15:36:00.005+08:00

"Former presidential candidate John Edwards said Wednesday he still cares deeply about his wife despite the couple's separation.

"It is an extraordinarily sad moment, but I love my children more than anything and still care deeply about Elizabeth," Edwards said in a statement to The Associated Press.

A friend of Elizabeth Edwards confirmed Wednesday that the couple is separated. Elizabeth's sister, Nancy Anania, told the AP that she remains strong.

"She's doing as well as you could expect," Anania said. "I'm really proud of her that, somehow, she's got strength that you rarely see in a person."
In PEOPLE's latest cover story, Anania said Elizabeth Edwards has had enough.
"She said, 'I've had it. I can't do this. I want my life back,'" she said.

The statements come as a former aide to Edwards prepares to release a tell-all book that gives an unflattering portrait of the couple and the tumultuous relationship they tried to maintain after he first acknowledged his affair on the campaign trail. It also comes one week after John Edwards finally made a public declaration that he fathered a child, now almost 2 years old, with his mistress.

It's another wrenching twist for a couple that had previously weathered the death of a 16-year-old son and her ongoing battle with incurable cancer.

They were law school sweethearts who got married just days after they took the bar exam together in the summer of 1977. Though John Edwards later went on to make millions as a trial lawyer, the couple had humble beginnings: He had to borrow money from her parents for a one-night honeymoon. She always wore her $11 wedding ring. For years they spent their anniversaries going to Wendy's, just as they did on their first one."

'Unconscionable, hurtful, patently false'
Former aide Andrew Young initially claimed that he fathered the child with John Edwards' mistress in the weeks leading up to the crucial presidential primaries. John Edwards publicly declared last week that he was the father of the child with Rielle Hunter, who worked as a videographer before his second presidential campaign in 2008.

Young's upcoming book details how Edwards went to great lengths to hide the affair. In excerpts from an ABC News interview, Young said that Edwards asked him to find a doctor who might fake a paternity test and asked him to steal a diaper from the baby to determine whether it was really his. He also claims that the Edwards sought to politicize Elizabeth's cancer diagnosis.

The statement released on behalf of Elizabeth Edwards said she will not engage in a dialogue on "false charges" in the book.

"Based on the limited portions of the book that have been made available, it is clear it contains many falsehoods and exaggerations," she said. She responded to one point, saying the suggestion that she capitalized on her cancer is "unconscionable, hurtful and patently false."
The PEOPLE story describes a meeting between Elizabeth Edwards and 23-month-old Frances Quinn Hunter — the baby John fathered with Hunter — in a mediated visit at a North Carolina hotel.
"She gave it a lot of thought, wrapped up a bunch of Christmas presents, took them to the baby and was so pleased when Quinn made a beeline to the toy carriage and doll," Anania told PEOPLE. "She even said to Quinn, 'Go stand next to Daddy.' And she took a picture.
"I don't know how she could do that," Anania added. "She just has a big heart."

Elizabeth Edwards has an incurable form of cancer that returned in 2007 as the couple was campaigning for the presidency. She said last week that her health got worse for a period but has been recently improving.

John Edwards, a former North Carolina senator and 2004 Democratic vice presidential candidate, has largely stayed secluded since first admitting the affair in August 2008. He denied fathering a child with Hunter at that time. He has acknowledged a federal investigation into his campaign finances.
'Like watching a traffic pileup'
Young's book accounts how Edwards asked Young to help cover up the affair with Hunter and promised to take care of him in the future. The book, "The Politician," is not due out until Saturday.
Young provides an unflattering portrait of Edwards, talking about his obsession with campaign donations, his fixation with his hair, his disapproval of "fat rednecks" at state fairs and the lengths he went to hide the affair.
A longtime aide to Edwards, Young describes the discovery of a videotape showing Edwards and a naked Hunter.
"It was like watching a traffic pileup occur in slow motion — it was repelling but also transfixing," he writes, according to the Journal.
Edwards spent part of last week in Haiti helping with relief efforts. His wife has declined to discuss their marital status.
This story contains information from The Associated Press and People.com.

its saddening how guys are all the same. his wife stuck by him, even tho they had such a shaky start... WTF.

ONE NIGHT HONEYMOON. with money borrowed from HER PARENTS. not his own.
11$ WEDDING RING.
my monthesary ring costs more than twice that amount, and it isnt even expensive!
and she's understanding enough to accept that.
she stuck by him for so many years!

she already has to deal with cancer and the death of their son,
while he's happily romping around.

!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#$&**&^% !!!!!!!!!!!!
amp;**&^% !!!!!!!!!!!!
amp;**&^% !!!!!!!!!!!!
amp;**&^% !!!!!!!!!!!!

and she even treat the illegitimate child so nicely.

and i totally, 100% agree with her on this:

"I spent months learning to live with a single incidence of infidelity. And I would like to say that a single incidence is easy to overcome, but it is not. I am who I am. I am imperfect in a million ways, but I always thought I was the kind of woman, the kind of wife to whom a husband would be faithful. I had asked for fidelity, begged for it, really, when we married.
“Leave me, if you must, but be faithful to me if you are with me.”

i told him the exact same thing before.
sigh~

guys like these should just get aids and die.
want to fuck around right?
vile dickheads.

A LOOONG POST

2010-01-26T16:54:00.002+08:00

i've always been meaning to blog,
before i forget the events,
but i either always lose the mood to blog because of something that happened,
so something will happen so i need to postpone the blogging.

gimmie a min to recall eh...

Hmm, i've been getting pimples in weird places recenty..

Last weds,
the plan to club totally fell apart. Dont knoe if i've alr mentioned it.
But yeah.
pissed off. and boyfriend and i were squabbling again.
i got so mad i raised my voice in public.
i shudder when i think about it. ugh.

between last weds til this week,
some stuff happened..
i vaguely remember some things..
cant really remember.

anyways, one of the days,
aan brought mie to West Coast..
just chilled around..
And we tried to win the fireman plushie again.
No luck tho. hahah.

then after that, on another day,
we went... somewhere...???
then went to this place near Chinese & Jap gardens..
bowling-cum-arcade-cum-karaoke..
the arcade's like, 50cents for most games.
a dollar for the fancier stations.

er....
then on another day,
went out with shin sit nurul...
asked sha along but she nt free..
actually i planned to go out just shin and mie.
but then,
i dont knoe why,
suddenly i told shin she could ask nurul and siti along if she wanted.
so 4 of us went to far east.. then heeren..
pictures are on FB..
surprisingly i laughed quite a bit,
nurul and stewie and beatboxing.
lul.

then...
went sentosa with bf and his 2 buddies..
was supposed to be a group outing of like, 7? or more people.
end up all the girls din come/cmi.
i suntan until sunburnt.
lmao.

my skin's peeling alr,
need to make sure i look pretty before weds night :PP
speaking of weds night,
tmr better be extra gerek.
make up for last week.
hahahaa!

oh yeah, and i met phyllis and meera for lunch.
seoul garden at woodlands.
pics up on fb.
we ate until we were stuffed!
although i think i still prefer sakura, because of the sushi and salmon.
ahahaa.
but i bet phyllis wont touch sakura food anymore.
lmao.

last night, i cried.
for a very stupid reason.
because he added two new girls on fb.
dunno..
but i just cried when i saw the new additions.
whats wrong with mie sia..
like 4am, whimpering to myself,
pathetic or what!

i didnt realize i missed the usual spot so much!

2010-01-14T13:42:00.003+08:00

ytd was huiling's birthday bbq!
but, i didnt go.
wished her some good wishes tho :))

i went out with daddy instead.
to have japanese food and to buy mie a new phone!
:DD

this new phone is just like my guy.
i love it/him but i hate it/him.
but i love my guy more obviously.
lol

So,
the things i dont like abt the phone:

TOUCH SCREEN IS SO LEYCHEY CAN?!
kinda wide for my small palm.
im totally not used to the OS, its the same as nokia. like wtf! (slowly la ehh?)
os being different, my saved msgs and whatnt cant be viewed. kns!
and its using microSD.
now i have to buy another card reader! grrrr!

vs the good;

it has 12mp,
8 gig,
decent sound & screen..
beautiful deep red exterior..

and i rrreeeeaaaalllllllllyyyyyyyy LOVE the camera. WOWeeeee!

left it at home to charge for the night while i went to powerhouse with the usual suspects..
POWERHOUSE SUCKS.
the music got better, compared to the last time i went there,
but the crowd like shit.
the usual people are alright,
BUT,
alot of mats/minahs "transfer" over from the "closure" of Dbl O..
and im such a minah hater. lmao!

then this girlfriend of mine,
mabok easily,
and she starting to get difficult when shez drunk.. hai..
then why sia got that girl..
but i guess, up to them if they wanne stay as friends..
she doesnt have to follow mie :))

i just afraid that betch spoil my relationship with my girlfrien..
cuz she's known between my other friends and i, to be those,
nothing better to do type, create drama..
Loser, much?

cab fare to powerhouse from yewtee: 20+ ?
locker problems at powerhouse: 4 or 5 dollars.
queue for drinks VERY long. din drink there.
alcohol making people behave weirdly..

sigh...

THEN BELLE AND MIE LEFT FOR ZIRCA
AND WE HAD AN ABSOLUTE BLAST
I GOT FLIPPIN DRUNK;
JUST ON 3 TEENY SHOTS OF KETEL ONE (srsly strong shit)
TOTALLY GONE.

sooooo much fun xDD

2010-01-11T10:35:00.001+08:00

after talking and whatnot,
we're back together.

so far so good.
wanted to say a lot of things but right now im figuring out how to make a skin on imvu.
need more credits, lol.

til the next post~

im really stupid

2010-01-05T03:32:00.003+08:00

he lied to mie.

he brought other girls to places that were special to mie,
where we first met,
where special memories were made..
he brought the girl in question to our place..
i doubt his friends sided mie, i doubt any of them reminded him he was attached to mie..
but as usual, i have no proof whatsoever..
so i cant say..

he took advantage of the fact that i was away at genting..
over the recent months i'd found out he'd been chatting & getting to knoe girls..
no wonder he was so cold to mie on facebook,
so the other girls wouldnt find out abt mie/think i was special..

he said,
"anyway that time our relationship was turning sour.."
what kind of lame excuse is that?!
so what if it was
isnt it because he's distracted with other girls??

& he did do it with the girl in question.. like omgwtfh!!?

guess why the girl "confessed" to mie..?
she's interested in him & wants us to break up

thats the signal im getting, at least..
not to say im blindly accusing..
cuz she was like so "happy..???"

"have you confronted your bf??
she said she felt bad and all,
then say like that?? o.0
fishy..

then she told mie she confessed abt doing the deed with aan, to her boyfriend,
and that they broke up.
in my heart i was like,
what concern is it of mine?

and the best part is,
she msg aan telling him she's broken up and is single.
like hinting2.
thick-skinned or what??
still can tell mie,
hope to be friends, etc etc..

@$*&^%$#$%^&%$#@

im feeling real shittily numb and i cant stop thinking abt it,
when im alone all the more i'll think until i go haywire..

then somehow im nt sure what,
got another girl involved with the passing of numbers..
and they contacted each other while i was in genting..

in my head, while at genting,
this kind of thought did pop into my head,
that he wouldnt stay loyal,
but i just brushed it aside and told myself i should have more faith in my boyfriend of like, 1year+..

but end up..?
sigh~

and he told mie that yes,
he's guilty of all that,
"he fucked up real bad,
but it was because he was drunk and made that mistake,
and that he's been regretting and feeling horrible ever since,
and it made him realize how much he treasured mie" and etc

and thinking back,
yeah, he'd been kinda nicer as of late..
then again,
i was just like a pest to him while he flirted away..

no wonder he suddenly offered to buy mie things..
guilt..

and to think he talks abt karma and all that shit..

~
when i told him i couldnt carry on being with him,
"estee.. i really love you.. nv thought i could hurt badly the person that love me the most.. im sorry that this had to happen or mie to realise hw much i treasure you.."

i kinda went soft, because i still love him and all,
and recently he had actually been talking abt the possibility of marriage and all that..
wanting mie to learn to cook and whatnt..

but how can i be with him after all this..?
and....
the girl exchanged numbers with guys even with her own boyfriend in the same fucking club..
o.0
i wanne say smth but it isnt nice to say..
so guess i shall shut up..

all in all,
im damn bloody disappointed that again,
the one who has my complete love, support, and TRUST (big issue for mie)
hasnt treated it the right way.....

hw to face his friends who knoe of this?
people from other areas also knoe,
fucking malu sia..

again my name..
maeby im just thinking too much at this time about all this..?

AERUGH;EHAENAEUIKEUHN
numb...
pissed, upset, feel so stupid..

just take a deep breath,, and relax.. dont think too much abt it, whats done is done...

--EEEF--- ,

we ever get back together (unlikely) , things will be hostile??? strict? and,
he -must- go for medical checkup.
i dont want ___.

FOR NAOW;;;
just chillax, knoe.. stress so much when its alr over, not good for my health..
my lips alr starting to get better,,
need to buy moisturizer..
geram la i need this, $.

lol.
belle was with mie all the way,
i'd msged her asking her to teman mie listen to her confession..
from 9ish, 10 ish? until now, 4.23am..
thank you girl.. :))
syg.

cant wait for weds! :))

infinity, show mie love, love is gone.
please please please please!
please be played wherever we go..
confirm powerhouse xDD

cant sleep at night due to lifestyle change =X

2010-01-04T03:29:00.004+08:00

sometimes i like fb's shoutout thingie..
gets mie thinking..
but sometimes if i write how i feel,
people get angry..

so i guess this is why my blog exists..?
a space where i can express how i feel and collect my thoughts and emotions..

people,
does being nice and forgiving,
equal being naive??

just wondering..
cuz i've been called naive a few times..
and sometimes, .....
esp in the past,
yeah i'll readily admit,
i was.

i believe i've grown, tho, since then.
spiritually and emotionally.

sigh..
im nt sure if its werth holding on...?

i had alr decided to part ways,
but somehow, hearing what he said made mie go soft-hearted..
and he isnt a sweet-talker..
i think i'd be able to tell, after 19 months together..
and well, its not like they'd had sex alr..
i trust him so i believe what he says..
just playing nice and stupid with the girl..
im much more upset abt the chatting and getting-to-knoe of the handful of girls..

just breathe and put it all behind mie,
we'd agreed on a fresh start..
sigh...

WELL,
ENOUGH WITH THE EMO-ING.
:))

i cant wait for tues and weds to come..

tues marks 20months of togethership, thru thick and thin :))
while weds night probably, hopefully, maybe-ly zirca/powerhouse?

thanks you girls for the encouragements and all..
and most importantly to the princess for telling mie..
if not i would still be the stupid fool..

the three guys whom i loved wholeheartedly, are somewhat the same.
but farhan's still a little better, and a little more special.. :))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

later, going back to skewl to take portfolio & in the noon/evening im going with belle to take my flippin psp charger the flippin man dudded mie of..
dunno purposely or what.. fcuking 16bucks and it doesnt werk. and i cant refund. ASZHOULE! T.T

2010-01-02T18:11:00.010+08:00

when i logged into blogger, i was so bloomin mad i wanted to rant like crazy.
but after some surfing around to calm myself down (dont want to sound crazy lol)
im suddenly all, blank.

-closes eyes-

lets start with whats still available in my memory bank;
its always leaking.

hmm, weds.
went out with the usual suspects to our usual playground..
wanted fatin to follow, because previously, i think putri or belle? ask her to follow on weds instead of countdown.. but i dunno what happen, nv follow.. nvm..

then thurs followed belle and fatin to marina.. if not i got no plans.. end up i got so pissed, idky also.. then they wanted to meet their regenite friend.. then i paisey.. those who knoe my past and all that untrue rumors, u knoe i knoe.. so im embarrassed to meet regenites.. sigh.. went home at like, early.. boring..

fri rachel ajak putri and mie go club.. cuz she was bored.. then since i didnt hav a good ny cele, i thought i shouldnt harp on it.. so i told aan im following them.. i atually kinda had fun.. then putri had a little bit too much, oh, oh, ohoh.. so i started to take care of her.. rachel left around 2-ish with her friends..

then, putri told mie, "esteee..... i wanne tell you something..." -pause- "i tell you later ok.. but its very heartbreaking... you will cry.. i dont want to see you cry..."

seeing that she's tipsy i just layan her, okokok, later u tell mie..
thn she happy2 continue dancing..
blah3..

then she wanne go toilet. bring her to the toilet, she start again.
"estee i got something important to tell you..... but i tell you later..."

then later when everything finish,,
we were chilling outside as she wanted a rest..
again..
estee i wanne tell u smth.
by this time i was curious abt what she wanted to say..
so i probed her..
she like dowan to tell..
i probe3, then she finally told mie..

something regarding another girl and my guy..

at that time, i totally trusted my guy,
something which took a while for mie to do,
looking at how previous guys have treated mie..

so i didnt believe her.
sumore she was a lil tipsy..
just brushed it aside and smiled..

when went back to my place..
sleep.
when we awoke,
she told mie the same thing.

this time i started to believe her..
cuz when she knew of it,
she was fully sober.
when she mabok,
she said the same thing.
next day sober alr,
still say the same thing..

and she saw some "proof"..
i starting to feel confused alr..

at first my heart felt nothing,, cuz i didnt quite believe he would do this to mie..
then slowly slowly, the more we accessed the situation, the more i started to believe..

slowly, i started to cry..
then i pulled myself together..
cuz i'd yet to ask abt his side of the story..
maeby it's completely untrue?
cuz somethin similar happened abt mie with him..
and again it was untrue..
and he clarified it with mie first before throwin a tantrum..
so yeah.. i should at least check with him first..

then just now while talkng to him on the phone i stumbled over my werds and said the wrong thing, and that got him pissed..

but i checked his facebook (considered snooping right?)
and i just cried.
he chat with them in such a flirty and playful manner, when he doesnt even bother to reply mie!!!! that really stung.

chat with them, you i you i. again call other girls cute.
from the way their conversation started,
obviously he deleted a part of the msg off.
i wonder why.
call them babe and stuff.
one of the msgs even had,
"Dapat pulak awak jumpe saye disini ehh"
where the fuck they meet??!?!

im hurt.
guys will never change.
after aan,
i feel like swearing off relationships.

do i look like i farm?

2009-12-30T02:01:00.003+08:00

lol dont send mie farmville requests!! please! lol.

so technically right now its Weds, 3.10am. On Monday, bby and i had a great time together. We watched Avatar (2nd time for mie) and i teared again, when the forest was being destroyed. LOL. im such a softie. the first time i watched it was while in JB with my fam. din blog abt that. I sobbed quietly in the JB theatre sia that one.. haha.. Those who knoe my type, will knoe that im into all this fantasy werld thingies.. I was so submerged in the movie seyy..

And i must say, the avatar skin is so beautiful.. thinking of recreating it on imvu.. hmmm.. its alr been done but i wanne make a prettier version.. but by the time i learn how to make, it would be last years' trend alr!

So yeah, back to the great time with bby..

We didnt really fight at all..
There were a few minor bumps but we got over them..

Firstly he treated mie Highlight hair.. :DD
hmm the English version of that sentence would be..
"He brought mie to highlight my hair and paid for it. / He paid for the highlighting of my hair."
LOL.

I realized i srsly need to post more in English, and not Singlish..
cuz my spoken english is getting shitter,
hence influencing my written english..

YA ANYWAYS!! BACK TO MY TOPIC!

Then we just laughed and poked fun and sat around,
just like old times..
took afew pics but theyre on his phone..
:((

if not wanne upload..

ya then he wanted to buy this Esprit sling bag..
quite nice,
kinda my style too hahaha!
im kinda androgynous at times..
would go nicely with a tank and jeans..

saw a belt he likes..
thinking of getting it for him when i start werking..
right now havent even search searching..
sigh..

dunno wanne continue skewling or what..!?
-thinks-

oh wow its 5.17am now.
i took so long to blog.

was multi-tasking heheh.

warning, contains explicit emotional content.

2009-12-25T02:41:00.002+08:00

like the title says, this is going to be a whiny em0shet post.

first off-
i've absolutely no idea how the hell, ok i forgot what i wanted to say. i browsed another site for a mere moment and i forgot.

well anyways, i'm not usually such an emo person, but these few days,,
-thinks-

i've been having such a heavy heart..
and the thing is;
im not even sure why..

well, lets try and break it up..
what im unhappy with, for naow:

- my lips. damn. idk wtf is wrong with my body, but my lips, man!
its like, swollen, and all red, and the skin keeps peeling,,
its dry la, basically, very dry/chapped.. not like sugar at all

but the thing is, i've never ever had that before until now.
most people think its because my body is dehydrated.
i think so too,
but its been like that for like, a month alr eh!!! wtfh!
bought like, 2 or 3 different types of lip balm for it,
doesnt seem to werk,
and its srsly hurting whatever confidence i have these days..
i'm kinda consious abt my looks.. :(((
which girl doesnt wanne look good, tell mie..?
esp when i wanne go out,
when im satisfied with my clothes and makeup,
the only bloody disgusting eyesore is my lips. UGH!

next on the list;
boyfriend. love him but i hate him. 'nuff sed.

nexxt:
my lack of moolah. i never knew it'd piss mie off this much, be srsly be broke. i quit my job, and will start looking in the new year, ( i mentioned that before,, right?)

OK GOT CARRIED AWAY, EDITING TEMPLATE. dont wanne talk no more, bye.

ps, still not done perfecting skinnn~

2009-12-25T00:36:00.001+08:00

this is the most, boring and lonely Christmas eve i've had.
i dont think tmr will be very fun either.

hmmmmmmmm...
sigh~

2009-12-23T01:53:00.003+08:00

DAY BEFORE YTD'S POST BEFORE MY CONNECTION DIED---

didnt post recently because of fam's genting trip.
nth much also la.

sigh~
keep squabbling with aan as of late.
quarreled about clubbing like, at least twice yesterday.
wtf.
mie with my pms
him and his stubborn-ess?
and mie with my idiocy, i guess.

but srsly speaking, i dont really trust him, i guess..
with clubbing la, that is..
cuz you knoe how guy's eyes always roam..
he's going on Christmas eve sumore.
but like they dont even celebrate it and theyre going Dbl O,

but actually, then again,
nothing wrong with clubbing..
festive whatever sumore..

i myself went yesterday
so i dont have the right to be angry..?
but im going because i havent been with the girls for some time..
and i wanne find someone who can help mie buy smth online..
its not a sure-go for mie anyways, my dad's still in town..

its just that, the thing that makes mie tick;
1. you knoe how guy's eyes always roam;
2. all his friends are single;
3. surely got someone dress up as Christmas tart;
4. you knoe how guy's eyes always roam
5. dunno what goes on in their head.

but i suppose.. i should have more faith in my boyfriend..
sigh..

anyway.. some more positive stuff..?
the shirt i bought him didnt fit that well..
it stretched so easily..
at first he hated it (he likes fitting tops to flaunt his biceps)
but after a while he started liking it,
(mie too, looks like he's wearing pajamas, so kiut!)
but there was one srs "defect" he couldnt get over,
the shoulder area on both sides, got a bit of material folding and popping out.
dont knoe how to describe it, but i dont think it can be altered easily.
so i bet he wont be wearing that shirt anymore.

in fact, most of the tops i got him,
he doesnt really wear..
the only exception is the drop dead shirt..
what a waste of moolah..
wahlau...

lets count the number of shirts i've gotten him so far:
1 from ip zone,
1 frm cotton on,
the drop dead shirt,
another shirt from that shop beside spade (one sleeve button popped as his arm was too big, lol)
a black long-sleeve,

err..
think thats it?
and yah, the only shirt i've seen him wear more than once is the dropdead shirt, which is also the most expensive.

the first 2 mentioned also dunno die where alr..
they like, disappeared from his wardrobe totally..

hmmmmmmmm.....
Christmas this year bloody boring,
no one bothered to put up the tree,
or ANY decos at all..
doesnt feel like Christmas at all.

only does on imvu..
im going broke from gifting and buying,
wanne stock up on credits.
i won 3 gifts for my sister,
thats my present to her..

2009-12-12T03:21:00.002+08:00

yesterday, went to take pay from michelle.
180 only. hmm. think got 1 more collection to take. which was today (din go)

bought a shirt for darling, thought he'd look hot in it.
light bue long sleeve from topman on sale.
and it had thin white stripes going across,
reminds mie of a cute sailor boy. lol
but he wont look like a boy in it because of his height and build.
his face doesnt look that young and his dark skintone also helps.
yeah, really think he'd look nice in it.
wonder when he'll wear it.

almost bought a belt that he wanted,
but in the end. no. haha
and i got myself a toga from topshop.
i liked 2 of it, one's salmon-colored, the other's like a pink version of the shirt i bought for him..
very almost bought both, was quite into the striped one,
but while walking to the counter,
i suddenly thought i might look like some preppy barbie-wannabe.
faster rush back to the mirror and think2..
then end up i bought the plain one. lol

went off to ion to meet him afterthat,
i public-ed there while he rode..
then he wanted to bring mie sumwhere..
but guess what..

we both forgot my helmet is at home..
wtf..
then he went to meet his friends instead =.=
and i went home alone =/
sigh.
that alr made mie a little disappointed,
and before that we alr had a misunderstanding over zoukout.
and i almost cried.

but its so ridiculous of mie to cry over that,
srsly merepek gile sia..
i thought he wanted to go with mie..
and i was so happy, always wanted to club with him, just him and mie..

but his thinking sme like my friend..
"eeeee club with matair boring sia!"

like wtf.. why is it boring?
because you do things you're nt supposed to kan..
wth, guys want my number also nv get,
they wanne just dance with mie also cannot get sia,
i setia with you, you can count on it, but,
wtf have you been doing at clubs sia..
im not saying he did do it or what,
because i didnt see it for myself, nor do i have any proof..
so i dont want to anyhow accuse,,

but the look on his face is like so.. contradicting.. just shakes my faith in him :((

all that was in my heart la, i didnt say it out..
i was like tearing alr, but i didnt let the tears drop as i didnt wanne cry in public.
but the lame thing is that,
part of the reason for crying was because he wasnt going with mie,
something which i was looking forward too.
because we never club together before,,
and he say wanne go la, blah3,
but from his face the night before,
i knoe alr la,
he's just bullshitting.
but its fucking stupid right,
that im upset over clubbing =.=

anyway
werd of advice, darling?
dont tell mie something just because you think its what i want to hear, if you're not gunne take action. because repeat disappointment becomes intense anger.

1st ever prac.

2009-12-05T18:51:00.002+08:00

so i had my first practical lesson today at bbdc.
initially i wanted to finish all my theory lessons first before going for pract,
but quite a few people told mie to take them together..

so i did..
but then bby told mie i should have finished my theory first,
then while waiting for the test,
then start on pract.

but the instructors told everyone to come regularly for prac so that we can remember better..
dunno ehh..

anyways, i wanne complain!
im so small-sized and the bike VEH HEAVY SIA!
plus my shoes were pretty soft, and the soles slippery alr..

because of all that i fell twice :'((
lol
and im the only girl in the group,
then the instructor like use mie to make jokes..
llike draw even more attention to mie sia. lol
but in the name of laughter la ehh.. :))

so hie.

2009-12-03T17:51:00.002+08:00

well recently everything's been quite nice :DD

darling's been extra sweet to mie day before yest, when we went out together..
everything was so nice,
but i refused to believe everything was fine,
i kept thinking he did something wrong because he isnt usually so manje..
hahahaha x))

i didnt manje him back for fear i'd be disappointed.. and i kept asking him,

"why are you so extra loving today? what did u do wrong? hmm..?"

"hahaha, why cant i be nice to you? when i nv manje u, u complain. now that i manje you, u ask so many questions, laugh wrong, quiet wrong, nv manje wrong, manje wrong, what you want?"

"who knoes, skali you manje mie so much because you knoe ***************, or maeby you got to knoe a girl then she turned out to be a bitch thats why you're appreciating mie etc etc"

but everything was fine until dinnertime,
i got pissed at something he said,
which made him mutter under his breath,
"this is why dont like to talk to you abt certain things"
which made mie so peeved..
i should have known, a group of guys together = do stupid things, noisy, talk abt girls = like matreps.

sigh.
then i just kept it to myself,,
jusst keep quiet..
then he like not happy that i suddenly so quiet..
he asked mie nicely at first la,
but then i just kept shaking my head..

awhile later,
while walking to dunno where,
he said something which i misunderstood,
and i flared up.
the meaning that i got was very insulting,
but i didnt knoe he meant it another way..

so when i flared up he also flared up,
then as per normal,
he sent mie home straight away.
he always like that one la,
fight only,
"ugh go home la go home la get lost"

then sent mie home alr,
he wanted to send mie to my doorstep,
then then i decided that he didnt need to,
then we dunno2 what2 fight2 merepek2,

and i cried.
hahaha
but as always,
we're fine now :DD

love him so much la..
then we went to 7-11 to buy some drinks..
saw phyllis' cousins running for the bus outside 7-11,
hahaha.

then skali inside 7-11 saw her sia!
i was bent over at the drinks section, looking for pokka green tea..
wasnt available, think sold out as i could even find one bottle..

was still searching when i noticed, frm the corner of my eye, that someone wanted to pass..
so without lookin up, i just shifted my ass away..
then the person still dowanne move.

so i looked up.
EHH! PHYLLIS! hahaha.

then talk2, she noticed that i cried, lol
then she offered mie one of her donuts :))

thank you so much phyllis, it made mie happier :DD

and while we were chatting,
30bucks of her money fell to the ground and both of us didnt even knoe.
luckily aan spotted it and pointed it out.
haha he's redeemed himself alr for making mie cry :PP
lol

then yest aan at werk, i just boring2 at hme.. thought of going clubbing with the usual girls but belle's aunt passed away, so she isnt going.. then no fun without her sia, srsly.. then end up, aall of us din go. haha, next weds then we going :)) hopefully i dont spend the zoukout money by then. so damned broke now that im jobless.

no more excuse for not werking now that skewl's over.
looking for job, but i can only start on the 19th or 20th dec.
how i wish i was rich.
or that someone can own mie hahaha! :DD

"champagne kisses,
hold mie in your lap of luxury...
i only wanne fly first-class desires,
you're my limousine....

so elegant the way we ride,
our passion it just multiplies,
theres platinum lightnin in the sky,
look im livin like a queen...

this kinda love,
is gettin, expensive,
we knoe how to live, baby,
diamond in the rough,
is lookin so sparkly..."

last night and the night before

2009-11-26T09:04:00.003+08:00

ok so, this post will have a lil lamenting and complaining.

the night before, boyfriend fell asleep at my place, meaning he slept over la.

then in the morning, my mom came into my room with the cane and, very tactlessly (read: rudely, bluntly, kurang ajar-ly, meanly) told my boyfriend to go home.

she didnt hit us la, but like wtf la srsly. he's 22, u take the cane for WHAT sey..

and she really hurt him with her bluntness uh..

now he doesnt even want to step into my house and is too embarassed to face my mother.

and i feel that its putting a strain to our relationship. thanks to the mean betch.

k uh i knoe im the bitch for calling my mom one, but srsly i am so pissed.

ugh!!

ok la ok la! sorry mommy.

=.=

\\\\\\\\\\\\

and then yesterday afternoon, i went out with ihsan. (with bf's knowledge uh)

for the entire 2 years of friendship,

the times we went out together,

is a grand total of 1 xDD

anyways initially aan wasnt comfortable with mie going out with him,

but san is just my friend,

and rly wanne go out with him =.=

talk3, then aan agreed.

not that hepi abt it but agreed nonetheless uh.

so i went ahead as i really wanted to,

come on la, skewl ending alr and i only go out once with him before only..

then he went out with his friends ytd.

then last night, while i was at zirca,

aan texted mie,

"havin fun?"

then i replied la,

"ya ok.. haha belle brought cam. then got some friends frm dbl frm last thurs. but i dunno em cuz i din follow. 7 girls 2 guys."

which was the pure truth ok!

last thurs belle ajak mie go dbl o but i didnt go.

then they made some friends there,

all of whom came to zirca last night.

so total number of us was 7 girls and 2 guys. (but actually one of the guys wasnt in the clique and i didnt knoe, he was alone but hanging out with us, so i thought he was one of their friends)

but betul la, 7 girls 2 guys.

then he nv reply.

if wanne say, he merajok or what,

COME ON LA, not like its 7guys 2 girls right..

but i dunno why he didnt reply la.

nt necessarily he merajok right?

but then this morning,

8:21 am, call mie to kaobeh.

wth.

"where are u now? (at amk waiting for bus to skewl, as per normal) are u alone? (yes [why wud they wanne follow mie to skewl??]) are u sure? (yes!) you frm where? (zirca...) BLAH3.. why nv tell mie you go out? (but i did) then why nv tell mie when you leaving the house? (i din wan him to merajok again when i meet san, but i did tell him i was at marina) you only suddenly tell mie you at zirca, dont u dare get angry with mie, dont you dare get angry when i do this to you BLAH3.. "

kanasai !

then after i reached skewl alr,

teacher was like,

wahh, so early today ? (cuz im usually like, 2 hrs late everyday)

and the first few classmates who arrived after mie,

they were like,

meera: "0.0 what are u doing where so early? such a rare sight"

eyan: "wow so early??!! so semangat uh?"

bear lagi best: "WAHH ESTEE COME EARLY SIAAAA!!! MUST BUY 4D, TOTO, EVERYTHING! TMR SURE WIN!!"

then after that, my mum called,

to kaobeh also!!!!

wth! ugh!

"where were u last night? go pub again ah? you knoe he (my dad) dun approve of you spending the night outside blah33333"

in the past, my mum gave mie freedom (which of course like duh aku suke!) to do whatever whenever, but until my dad give problem (he srsly step gerek only uh, padahal in reality he can be a major wet blanket)

those who knoe what my family is like, of course my mum give in uh, he's such an arsehole..

then now my mum forbid mie to go clubbing, and i have to reach home by 12am.

as. if. that'll. happen.

im nt a juvie anymore okay..

but all in all i had fun yesterday :DD

today

2009-11-23T23:35:00.003+08:00

hmm.. today had to skip my BT 1.02 because.. because we thought the last day of skewl was last fri... sigh~ end up i`ve to re-book and pay again T.T

stayed at skewl to chiong, then teachers said smth that made mie laugh xDD

Miss Angela: "Ey estee you knoe you remind mie of the Charlie Angel.."

Mie: o.0?

Angela: "The whts her name ah??"

Mie (eyes wide) : "ORH..!!!! LUCY LIIIUUU!!!!!!" (cant be cameron diaz or drew barrymore right)

Angela: "Ya!! you look like a young version, ahaha"

Kenny: "Ya hor, actually look a bit like.. Without the freckles.."

i was like so pleased can? hahaha!! shes quite hot ehh, but i've never thought of myself as anything close to her. muahha. pleasant surprise :PP

i set it as my FB stat, got people also agree sia! lmao!

Estee Fun-sized looks like a young Charlie's Angel, Lucy Liu. Thats what my teachers said today :DDD
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Phyr Bracey
yah..i tink so :)
about an hour ago · Delete
Estee Fun-sized
ahahah!!! SERIOUS?? wahooo!! lmao. but minus the freckles
about an hour ago · Delete
Phyr Bracey
alah..still the same
about an hour ago · Delete
Estee Fun-sized
hehehee :DD
57 minutes ago · Delete
Sebastian Ho
now that you mention it, you do look like her. Haha
35 minutes ago · Delete
Fadhrees Suhaimi
yes.
31 minutes ago · Delete
Estee Fun-sized
ahahaha, im liking this xDD
21 minutes ago · Delete

year and a half together

2009-11-23T05:45:00.004+08:00

oh ya these are the pics:

nothing much la, most of the pics of us and plants. ahaah. the pics are available for viewing on my fb. but idk why, the pics he took with his cam, cant be viewed. i cant seee it properly, so weird.. just a small square where the nice big pics should be. ahh well.

anyway bby even tho you dont read my blog (and i hope u dont haha) i wanne wish u happy 18 mnths.. or year and a half... love you sosososososo much, being with you has taught mie lots, abt patience, endurance, love, understanding, blah3..

YOU BLOODY STUPID BOY LA I LOVE YOU !

i hope you learn to trust mie, and that i will trust you in return when you make female friends.. because i get threatened/jealous easily, esp if the girl is malay and older than mie. ahaha :PP

but i knoe the feeling very well, when your matair is jealous over nothing. so i will strive to keep myself in check. SO U ALSO LA BBY.

uhhhh! i dunno what to say alr lawl. other than the usual "i-love-you's", which i rieally do :))
want us to be happy. i miss u i miss you i miss u i miss u i miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you :'(((

but when we meet confirm plus chop plus sign get fed up w each other lawl xDD
iloveyoustill :))

fun fun~

2009-11-23T05:22:00.003+08:00

frm the last update til now,

- i learnt hw to skate with jalil and 2 of his friends, fad and joe.
- went to play l4d2. [[KECOH.]]
- went stargazing although aan-aan din allow :PP
dont regret it one bit.
theyre just my friends,
and the night sky WAS SO BEAUTIFUL.

supposedly watching meteor shower, but i didnt see any meteorites.
saw a lot of stars, shooting stars and moving stars.

the shooting stars were esp gerek.
would love to go again.

- found out skewl still got one more week.
relax more. werk havent finish T.T

weds going out with ihsan, then zirca with the girls.
so nw til then must chiong.
mainly remy, angel, and jean.. OMAI. T.T

then sat MAEBY going maya.

need to get a jawb.
i saw this American Bakery Cafe position in the papers..
ya needs Fluent English, Commit 3 months, and Be able to Start Immed.

think i can do it?
just scared the pay lowwww :'((((

another job i think of as suitable is the cotton on recruitment drive.
but its over alr.
nvm think just try?

its 5.30am and i`ve been surfing the whole night.
ok byyye :))

FUN FUN FUN

2009-11-14T18:22:00.002+08:00

so many kewl thigs have happened, so lazy to update xDD

weds, cnt rmb what i did in the afternoon but i went to zirca with the usual girls.. fatin din follow as she was still recovering frm a minor op.. so us 3 girls.. i went off to the dancefloor with belle, put start floating around again.. but then this guy "snatched" belle from mie.. then i merajok one corner.. then 2 chi guys start asking mie why i so sad and stuffs,, quite funny ar.. then i found put and left belle with her new friend.. blah3... i still dont knoe who's lester.. haha!!

and guess what.. my dad suddenly came back from overseas sia! at 2am he kept calling mie.. wtf.. i told him im slacking with my friends at clarke quay til late but im going skewl the next day. then i said my phone rosak and i switched it off xDD

i wanne knoe whos lester!!! grrr!

then thurs morn went to skewl..
manan called mie and we talked for a while, then i asked him to faster come to skewl teman mie cuz i was alone.. he was late anyways..
then end up by the time he reach i going off to simei soon..
his class left for simei alr but he dowanne follow..

simei was damn boring.
i was so super bored.
the organisation like fuck,
then kena paitau..

so i follow hambali..
wait under the hot sun for like, "5mins" according to him, actually ONE HOUR..
i no mood to be angry also..
dunno, srsly no mood at all..

then i asked lavin to make mie laugh...
haha and he did.. felt better alr,
lepak2, lavin went off with his friends,
i slack with ham til 3pm, went home, K.O.

then friday wake up early for botanic garden shoot with AD081J..
for our portfolio cum competition cum lifeskill project..
and again, organisation like fcuk.
got bus there but no bus back.
nvm that, i cabbed there because the timing last min changed from 930am to 845, and i wasnt informed.

we spent like only 2 hours or so there, then finish. WTF RIGHT.

but in spite of all that i`ve enjoyed myself uh, these 3 days..

then i wanted to stay back to continue shooting, but no one wanted to stay back! kimek,, :'(((
then end up we went to shoot pool..
rain theh whole can man.. shoes soaked the whole day. need new shoes!!! $$$

after pool, i went to enroll & book my theory lesson.. which is monday at 6pm.. hehe! psyched.
after that i`ll book my practical.. muahhaha..

hopefully next2 weds we go Z again.. dunno what to wear. i gots a toga dress but i dun have shoes to go with it.. and im so skinny.. hmm.. thinking of wearing tank, jeans, & boots.. need something to hold them up la! grrr. wanne buy new boots :DD

need a jawb.

happy & sad

2009-11-06T22:26:00.002+08:00

i overslept and missed skewl entirely.
same for yesterday.
and i had rly been intending to go skewl to finish up some things!

then met shin as i wanted to buy shorts and heels.
and i went home with:

2 dresses, a lacy one-sleeved toga dress & a pretty dress that i thought aan would like,
2 belts, one brown and one white,
a "hippy" necklace from diva, (impulse buy- i dont even wear necklaces!)
2 underpants,
a headband,
and 2 shirts for aan,

but no shorts & heels. Lol!
but im so satisfied with my shopping.
tho im kinda saddened by the fact that my favourite fashions are available at bugis =/

animal prints = yes
lace = yes
LBDs = yes
shoes = yes
bags = yes

i dont knoe why im a lil embarassed to admit tht some of my stuffs are frm bugis. hw cme? am i getting stuck up??

`anyways im gunne enroll for 2b soon, once my cheque frm the myst shopper is in :DD
`and im a lil disappointed with aan. but its ok :))

overall today has been a very happy day, i got to shop and i got to meet shinyin :DD
and farhan & i are going out tmr to celebrate our year-&-a-half of togetherness. he was werking yesterday and was tired today. so tmr then :))

2009-10-31T23:54:00.002+08:00

because im the retard that i am, i filmed quite a few of the vids, facing the wrong way!! and i have to keep going back to those places. so irritating! monday after skewl die2 must go alr, deadlne was last fri. lol

i did smth bad.. oh dear.. =/

and for se, i just got deployed today (yeay~) and i swear, the new se phones are gorgeous. im in love with satio. like madly in love, maeby even more than i love aan (lol) .

go check out x2, x3, satio, aino, t715 and jalou. lawa gile sey.. sony fan renewed.
and i got new se shirts :DD kinda big but im likin it :))

tonight,

2009-10-26T15:54:00.002+08:00

2days back i went to central after skewl to finish up the remaining places for the myst shoppr.
& i realized, after a failed attempt to buy V,
the bloody pen was drained.
Apparently the "record" button was somehow pressed while in my bag and it recorded a whole lot of black nothingness.

So I essentially went all the way to The Central & embarassed myself for nothing.
And i forgot to mention the tip of the fcuking china pen came off, exposing the USB jack, like some days back. So the people behind mie thought I was a weirdo because i saw them sniggering =.=

I sent whatever i had to my dad to let him convert it himself.
The $300 he gave mie for this project of his,
has shrunk to a mere $20.

And i didnt even shop with it.
well ok, there was JUST ONE 20$ dress i bought online.

but other than that i spent only on his project and another $18+ on rabbit food.
I dont knoe where the fuck the money went.

And i just recieved an email frm him asking if i`d converted the files.
(he`s expecting a lot of stuff, and i wanne do my werk seyy!)

i havent converted any at all,
and i have this sinking feeling,
that when i get home,
im going to be so dead.
dead dead dead dead dead.

because it feels like a while.

2009-10-21T21:09:00.002+08:00

i forgot i had a blog.
hahaha.

well, updates..

im somewhat peeved at my dad for using my car license to bait mie to do things for him.. have decided to use my own money to get my MOTOR LICENSE! then save up for my bike.. aiming for either kawasaki ksr, aprilia rs125 or derbi gps 125.. more interested in the ksr & derbi.. but they arent cheap as theyre so beautiful. hmm... money makes the werld go round.

aan & mie,, lately ok la.. :))

skewl, im faaar behind, partly because i have to help my dad with the mystery shopper thing =.= he conveniently left out a lot of details before i agreed to do it for him.. grrr~

got the spy gadget alr.. but doesnt werk tt well and part of it came off.. stupid china pen.. so ashamed to have china blood :'((

tts abt all i remember xDD
ttfn

all partied out.

2009-10-15T23:09:00.002+08:00

went to zirca last night with putri, hajar, and fatin. not close to them at all but i went with them as i`d turned down putri`s previous offers.. so just teman this time uh.. tho i cant dance.. lol. but i just happy2 shaking my hips and dancing like cacat.. hahaha!!

well other than that,
- a bartender wanted my number but i didnt give.. bartenders probably have lotsa girls numbers anyways..
- put got drunk or smth. cute sia when she mabok xDD
- so cramped, rebel also very un-roomy..
- guys kept surrounding us. so irritating.
- making the place even more cramped
- one guy kept wanting to dance with mie, i THINK he was trying to pick mie up?
- i wore my ring there, and good thing for aan i did :PP it helped mie chase off a number of guys. lol cehh.
- and i went to skewl after that.

so daymn tired.. i was nodding off in the train home, much to my embarrassment.. i was in uniform sumore.. lol. upon reaching home, big zees all the way.

srs sey, hips, knees, back & mind aching due to crazy dancing and drinks. lol

looking forward to going clubbing with IRA & FAIZ!!!!! grrrrr. BILE NAK ???!!!! :((
i wanne go with lavin too but he kena banned from so many.. lol

OY-MUAI-GAAD.

2009-10-13T18:55:00.002+08:00

"a while back recently, i`d been whining a lot right, abt how bored i was and how i was falling into a rut and life is boring blah3...

& suddenly, i`ve got SOOOO many things to do, i gets daymn nervous and jittery thinking abt it... like srsly! i start thinking im going to be overwhelmed and all, its so scary!!

firstly, i have a temporary second job, as a mystery shopper. nothing glamourous, it involves ciggerettes -.- lol.

im helping my dad, and i have to inspect this well-known convenience stall's 60something outlets, in roughly ONE week`s time.

MAD RIGHT!!!!!!!

-and- i have to video it and not get caught! like wtf! i need some spy gadgets :PP"

a draft blogger saved, before my connection went crazy 2 days bck i think. there was smth else i wanted to blog abt but i forgot what it was alr

17 mths

2009-10-10T15:46:00.002+08:00

and the both of us forgot our 17th monthesary.
last night he brought mie to popeye`s, at changi airport..
we were ok, then somewhat bickered, merajoked here there, then we ok, then merajok again.. then ok again.... lol.

reflection..

2009-10-10T15:45:00.000+08:00

im feeling like shit right now,
such a loser,
i havent dont much in life at all,
im too much of a lazy bum,
i dont knoe how to grow money,
all i do is spend it,

im not a fantastic daughter,
not a superb girlfriend,
a lousy student,
only a good friend at times,
and overall,
a pretty shitty person.

i detest my family.
theres no unity in us at all.
i hate my father for not being at home to discipline the kids,
yet at the same time i love it when he`s away cuz i get my freedom.
i hate my mum for not being able to handle the kids,
but i love her because i knoe shes alr trying her hardest,
and her health has srsly gone south..

i detest myself for not being able to make things better,
i just made things werst today by severing ties with a brother i used to dote on..
and i broke some glass out of anger..
on purpose.. sort of..
and i gave my mum all the money in my bank on the same day,
because i knew it wasnt fair to her to replace what i broke, with her money..

the neighbours they look down on us,
this not-so-broken family,
i see it in their faces.
i hate them for looking at us this way..

i hate this one brother,
who thinks he knoes best just cuz he`s grown some balls, and an ego.
hes only 13, and acts like the king of the house.
he isnt 'fraid of my mum,
no one is,
and now that hes my height,
he tries to take mie on.

i hate him.
i hate his face.
i hate his attitude.
i hate having to give in,
and letting him make snide comments.
just for the sake of having some peace in the family.
i, as the eldest, have to give in.

but im losing my face,
to let a younger prick diss mie.
i try to let it go,
but sometimes i cant.
how i hate him..

i love it when people bring mie out,
to the werld of intoxication,
the werld of shopping and jokes and fun,
music and lights,
food and smells..
the werlds` troubles fade away when im laughing,
i love them all for making mie feel this way,
so carefree, wild and light..

shopping makes mie the happiest..
really, it does..
seems so shallow,
to say i feel so confident when a beautiful outfit fits mie well,
when i feel so tall in high heels,
so un-frumpy and maeby.. even beautiful..

unlike how i`d feel otherwise,
stuck at home,
in a conflict zone..
but once i`ve spent my money,
the feeling comes back..
unhappiness, dread

but i suppose thats what i am..
a hollow piece of nothingness..
nothing but hate..

i need to do something to help myself,
i dont want to die like this..
but i dont knoe what to do..
i dont think i have the courage...

someone please just take mie away....

sigh.. whats the use of dreaming..
lord, give mie grace to accept the things that cant be changed, courage to change the things that can, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other. thank you..

hi.

2009-10-05T22:47:00.002+08:00

so yesterday i accompanied my mum to a furniture shop near bukit timah,
browsing for sofa for the living room.
she saw one that was 298 or smthing,
but that design was sold out.
i think not werth it also,
so small.
as if our family will be satisfied with it.
and my dad wont be able to sleep,
like what he normally does if he`s too tired to go to his room upstairs. haha
then if she rly bought it, and my dad sleep on it,
we will have to sit on the floor =.=

browse2,
saw some srsly nice pieces..
but more expensive..
like really higher living sia..
i felt like a little girl lost in awe. HAHA!

then after that went home cuz mum felt sleepy.
met aan in the evening, went to ikea.
look for sofabed for mie.
then saw one tht looks nice and is easy to convert.
and we bickered again. wtf.
he uh, srsly mepek uh.
but he was man enuff to admit he was being stupid after we cooled down.
syg :))

then today went back there with my dad.
bought it and 2 sofas for the living room.
we srsly debated over the sofas sia!
hahaha. he also thought of getting a sofabed for the living room,
but the one he wanted NOT NICE! haha. to mie la.
but to him it was alright. then he wanted to match it with some cushions,
ok la, nice, but doesnt suit our house.

LUCKILY one design caught his eye,
and that was wayy nicer.
modern and chic.
got 2 of it, a 2 and 4 seater, so everyones happy.
he gets to nap, we get to sit, my mom wont complain hw slouchy it is.
AND ITS ARRIVING ON FRIDAY!! :DD

its now or never.

2009-10-04T18:26:00.004+08:00

Attention people!!

I, Estee Eunice Yan Feng, hereby pledge to make my own plans during the hols instead of just waiting for ppl who never come through!

Im sick of complaining abt my boredom, sick of staying home being bored. Im not gunne contact anyone unless neccessary. i wanne see who misses mie/ needs mie in their life. im tired of waiting for things to happen, i wanne MAKE EM HAPPEN! i wanne make better friends, people who feel the same way, have time for mie, and are not forever malas to go out. if i cant find anyone, then i`ll effin go alone!

i dont want to waste my life, it should be enjoyed! imme try and treat each day as my last, so i`ll live everyday to its fullest. im just so sick of bumming!

Heres a list of things i need to do for now

First i need to darken the paint in my room,
send the HUGE PILE of paper to be recycled,
then get a sofa bed,
shift the table,
ask my dad to enroll mie in driving,
finish up skewlwerk, (ive been procrastinating since forever)

and maeby take a language class. yeah :))

im feeling better alr.
LETS DO THIS, BITCHH!

rgtyj

2009-10-02T21:14:00.001+08:00

aaaaaaaaaand we`re back together again.
lmao

gahh.

2009-10-02T00:53:00.001+08:00

we broke up again.
i was chatting with a friend on imvu.
which is a guy.

this sucks.

HAWLEEDAYZ.

2009-09-25T04:42:00.004+08:00

so im having holidays.
and its hari raya once again :))
but this year he didnt bring mie along for visiting :((
and thus, din buy my raya baju :(((

like so left out sey.
HMPH!!!

oh well, guess i`ll just go with my friends.
waiting for them to arrange :DD
can go mad sia, stay hme and rot.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

coupla dayz back aan took mie out due to my pestering :PP
planned to go somewhere but it was full..
then we didnt knoe where to go..
drive around aimlessly,,
then ended up at ecp.

just chilled,
had a mcChicken for my dinner cum supper..
played around with the grabbing machine thingy.
spent $9 and he won 2 toys for mie.
a stitch and a yellow mario mushroom :DD
he was like so into one luigi doll,
but it was SUPER hard to get. lol

that was i-forgot-hw-many-days ago.. haha
havent seen him for a few days alr since then.
he`s busy with raya and all so i`ll just have to be patient..
busying myself with friends and werk..
but still bored sia :((
i either have not enuff friends, nt enuff friends who are free, or way too much free time :PP

facebooking just nw,
saw the new pics darwin [the chimp] uploaded.
so good,
he went p. ubin with his friends.
envious, much?

nt like mie,
stuck here.
grrrrr.....

:PP

tmr might be accompanying my dad to kl.
but its a purely business trip.
which means i will be sooper bored.

i do wanne tag along as its been ages since i left sg,
but then again, the idea of stoning in a pub, waiting for my dad to wrap up his gathering, isnt very appealing :((

tmr night also meeting the girls. shinyin nurul siti mie, sha nt cnfirm. but she cant go hme late.. while nurul is only free at night.. sigh~

what if i went to far east and bugis with sha first?? wanne pick up some stuff uh. ira`s bdae pres and my ... special.... goggle. AHAHAHA!

okay im tired its like 5am bye <33

b.e.t.c.h

2009-09-20T01:21:00.002+08:00

im such a betch,
i hurt him on hari raya.

we were fighting over the same old SHET,
stuff totally not werth fighting over,
and i finally told him i couldnt take it anymore.
i alr told myself to wait another day,
since today`s the first day of the celebrations,
but i couldnt take it..

i want my freedom..
sounds so bad of mie right,
to say i choose freedom over my boyfriend,
but i really cant take it anymore :'((((

i dont want to be cooped up..
i want my friends,
i wanne live my life!

twice alr i chose him over freedom,
isnt it time i let myself experience more in life???
but he sed i was being self-centered..
am i rly..? :((

i do love him so,
but im going mad..

im afraid i wont find anyone like him,
all the good points abt him..
yet at the same time i feel stressed,
i cant have fun with my friends w/o him merajok..

we always fight about my friends,
he thinks practically every male friend i have has some motive to get to knoe mie.
i dont knoe if he`s being paranoid or am i being too trusting..

tonight i had planned to shoot pool with the boys and ira after werk,
but in the end the muslims couldnt make it due to raye i think,
then 1 chinese guy werking..
so left 1 indian and another chinese guy..
i did think of ayg, that he wouldnt like it,
but i want to have some fun after werk..
so i told him i wanted to go,
and we fought.

because one of the guys msged mie late at night for no reason before,
and ayg wasnt comfortable with it.
so he din want mie to go,
and i listened to him,
but he`s still angry over something else.
which eventually i listened to him again..

hai... wtf uh..

i told him i wanted my freedom on the first day of raya,,
which is a special day to him..
im such an asshole..

:((((

2009-09-18T20:49:00.002+08:00

on my birthday i went with my friends to punggol, and i found 10bucks.
i think maeby that was God`s birthday present to mie,
and of course that 10bucks is long gone.

today, i lost 10bucks otw to skewl.
whats that supposed to mean?!
hahahaha :PP

and last night i dreamt i got dirty with a friend and he was touching mie there >.<
crazy MAD dreams.

i want more flying dreams and lucid dreams..
they keep my sleep interesting :))

its been a while since i last updated this!

2009-09-16T19:49:00.002+08:00

its just too bad, rly..
got youth, looks, and body,
kene that..
i`ve been told i should have given him a chance,
and nw i kinda agree?
but since im back with aan alr..
dun play timer :))

anyways, new wardrobe additions this month:

3 shirts
1 leather jacket
1 sundress
a clutch

soon will be adding some shoes, maeby a pair of boots.. daddy said he`ll get mie the same zara shoes he has from hongkong.. hehe.. i also want the ankle-length bike chick boots from zara.. muahaha..

*
now i wanne gripe.
i just wore my new jacket to skewl and some betches said behind my back,
"ee, nk step kewl"

peje!

on the positive side,

well, lately i`ve been having more fun :))
but pity, monkey-wis has nt been coming to skewl as often due to some problems..
dunno real or fake,
but im starting to believe its real =/

2009-09-08T11:21:00.001+08:00

portfolio werks, still rushing, lately been slacking too much. lol.

im such a lazy asshole.

18 alr must be a lil more srs!

gaaah!!

why am i nt surprised...?

2009-09-07T01:08:00.005+08:00

dunno yesterday or day before ytd,
early in the morning,
i think after he broke fast,
like 5 something,
he msged mie saying "sorry and i miss you."

then ytd afternoon called mie asking to patch, and apologizing..
apparently his friends also agreed that im "in the right"

thn at night,
aan met mie at bugis,
where it ended,
because sha last min meeting bf instead of mie.
and we really patched..

yeay i guess.. haha.. :))

but i think..
if we break up once more,
i dont want to patch back..
because we keep break/patch.. =/

stupidity...?

2009-09-03T12:33:00.001+08:00

yesterday, we had:

3 more days,
til our 16th month together,

and

5 more days,
to my birthday,

im rly bad with money :((

2009-08-31T20:50:00.003+08:00

before my dad left for china he gave mie 200 to spend,
and i dont fckuing rmb how the hell i frittered my money.

i ate alot,
had to buy 3 pairs of lenses as the first pair scarred,
and i`ve to buy 2 boxes since my eye degrees are diff.
then i topped up my ez-link 20 or 30 bucks...
phylli bdae pres..
food,
makeup..
these are like, the necessities..

i cant rly rmb anything else.
like wtf ..!
i havent been cabbing,
i havent been shopping,
where the hell my money go!?
aaarghh... :((((

overall, today was nice.

2009-08-25T23:50:00.005+08:00

wore skirt to skewl today since angela warned us there`ll be some bigwigs coming down..
got some werk done in class,
during break,
chilled with classmates and the guys..
Bear, eyan, faiz, phyllis, sham, shane, lavin, wis, hambali, one chinese guy i forgot the name, and isa. and mie.
GEREK SEY!! laughed a LOT.
a lot of lame jokes and etc, faiz uh.. hahaha..

until...

i fell down.
in my skirt! :(((((((
luckily i didnt flash so openly..
they laugh at mie until very rabak sia!!!!
until some second-storey guy was stirred from his sleep and shouted at us. =/
carik pasal sia that guy, we quiet alr still shout2, vulgarities all come out, tak puase pe?
bear apologized alr but he was still shouting at faiz. said faiz stare2 him. peje~
but well.. k uh, we were pretty noisy :PP

but srs sia paisae !!!
my face was like red uh.. and im nt that fair or what.
lol!

then break over, went back class,
did just a little bit more,
then cant focus alr.
slacked around,
went for pe.
yea in my skirt.
badminton only la.
chinese classmates only, ira the only malay siak.
haha. think because of puase uh, dowanne get thirsty and tempted to drink water, right??
played with zoel, huiling, and clara.
the other court got belinda, ira, panda, sihui.. haha.
chilton cindy seowhui sitting around..
prior to this seowhui got dragged to the cinema in the middle of skewl by cindy, wtf. she needs to stand up for herself uh that girl.. hmm..

then after pe, cooled down with ira & the boys again..
plus some of their chinese classmates plus one malay girl..
din get her name uh, and she`s quite hot sey.
anw i got to taste Next Chill agaen! after what seems like so long..
want to cool down after pe, want to chill with friends, smoke next chill.. hahaha!

slacked for 1 hr plus,
balik mandi makan,
leisure time on the internet..
tried to d/l Dragonica,
but failed again.
wtf.
tmr at skewl try again :PP

Lovefool.

2009-08-24T18:40:00.003+08:00

lately i`ve been eating MANY ramly burgers..
sedap gile uh..
i love em special, beef, no chilli, more mayonnaise and butter, and preferably with veggies.
so many $3s i`ve spent on those oily delights.
blogging abt it now is making mie hungry, srsly.

dear i think we`re facing a problem,
you love mie no longer,
i knoe and
maeby there is nothing that i can do,
to make you do..

mother tells mie i shouldn't bother,
that i ought to stick to another man,
a man who surely deserves mie,
but i think you do..

why today talk to mie like so malas..
i think its because you scared we talk3 then fight.
but u really think this kind of attitude can save us..?
even tho i have more guy friends that im close to now,
you`re the one that i love and have sacrificed so much for..

i knoe,
if you had female friends that you`re close to,
i`d be very jealous too..
but i must and will remind myself that theyre just your friends,
and that you have the right to have female friends..

love is patient, kind, and unconditional.
i`m not gunne give up on us that easily..!

another 3-in-1

2009-08-23T19:42:00.004+08:00

Day before yesterday;
was real fun.
bby waxed my legs for mie as i couldnt reach certain parts.
then i managed to convince him to let mie wax a small part of his legs.
hahaha!
damn funny.
lucky for him i was feeling nice and only waxed a small area with finer hairs..
hahahah if not he`d have been screaming like mad!

*****

then the next day, yesterday, he went to werk..
i stayed at home..
used the internet,
facebooked..
uploaded some pictures of my friends..

just a bunch of people chilling and minding our own business..
but when he saw it he got real pissed.
he said he isnt happy that i have individual pics of the guys,
and one picture was too intimate for his liking;
the one of lavin and mie.

and we had a tiff over that.
i mean, kite kwn2 je..
asl ayg nak marah..??

*****

hmm.. today,, when he went home after werk,
i msged him..
just said i missed him..
and we agreed to meet after he break fast with his family..
but then currently he`s watching soccer..
hmmmm~

friday morning in skewl;

2009-08-21T11:12:00.002+08:00

everyone`s slacking,
guys are playing CS,
laughing shouting hooting swearing.

teacher marking attendance and shouting over the din,
girls happily surfing the web and chatting,
estee`s happily mafia-ing and has moved up 3 levels.

All these will become sweet memories of ITE AMK :))

so today is friday.

2009-08-14T11:54:00.003+08:00

last night he said,
"you befriend Froggy* , got this group of guys.
you befriend Star* , got that group of guys."
smth like that uh.

but for mie,
theyre all just my friends what..
when i get to knoe the girls,
the guys are their friends pe..
who am i to choose what friends they make??

sometimes he also add girls with fckuing bitchy slutty pics..
then he says theyre his friends or whatever and they have the right to upload what pics they want.. blah3..

EHHH WHATEVER LA.

another weird dream.

2009-08-13T09:43:00.003+08:00

met syg after 3 days i think.

just for supper at my place..

he`s currently attached to the reservists..

so right now his timetable is 8 - 5 everyday..

so yeh he met mie for supper, facebooked together, then fell asleep..

syg la.

and i had a dumb dream.

i dreamt he did a quiz/posted a shoutout on fb,

and got the result/saying he wanted to sleep with one of his colleague`s gf.

wtf kan.

so far,

im falling sick,

wanne take pictures with my friends and put them up on my chipboard,

have yet to shift the table and pretty up my room,

wanne design and print out a cover for my door, both front and back.

this sat got gig..

22nd got bdae bbq,

end of this month also got gig.. GOT ANBERLIN SIA!

then 17 oct got reggae fest at sentosa

anyone wanne go?

slackersz

2009-08-10T14:18:00.002+08:00

ive been chilling too much recently.
need to focus on my werk.
i always say that. hehe.

anyway, my dad recently bought mie some imvu credits with his paypal but for some dumb reason the credits ave not been transfered to my account yet. like wtf!

i was so excited sia, and its been like what, abt 1 or 2 weeks alr i think. CHEEBS. they better not turn out to be fraudulent! if nt i wasted my dad`s money. i still owe a girl 2k on imvu sia, and i intend to return her the money k.. but the stupid service still havent transfer my money. shets.

hmm, shisha plans for today cancelled. boooo :((

2009-08-06T20:44:00.002+08:00

heylo to whoever`s reading.

:))
had fun slacking with ira, hambali, lavin, darwis, and their friend.. think his name is kok hua.. played the usual games, chop chilli chop, murderer, and pepsi cola.. hahaha!

had so much fun until i late to meet aan sey! time passed so quickly.. since we supposed to meet for dinner he didnt eat until nw.. feel bad sey.

i gtg nw,
he under my block alr.
byebye and happy national day!!!! (in advance)

3-in-1 agaen.

2009-08-02T01:51:00.002+08:00

29 and 30th july, had fun lepaking with some of ira`s friends after skewl.
played chop chilli chop at void deck.
hahaha.

then 31st was ite friends bbq..
everyone was like so late!
but finally set up everything..
we attacked the marshmellows first!
and huiling din get to eat any!
haha! no one thought of offering her,
and she was so busy snapping pictures,
by the time she realized we were eating those white softies,
dah habis..!! hahahaha!

but luckily got another packet.
haha! we ate that towards the end.
actually they ate la,
i was practicing with zoel`s rollerblades and smsing..

both gatherings were kinda small..
ite had, shane, guy, panda, zoel, chilton, tush, chris, chongder, clara, belinda, sihui, seowhui, huiling, mie and phyllis and her boyfriend, andrew. hmm 16 people.
not bad uh, although ira and azrin din come.

then found out that jrock still badmouthes mie. like wtf?
im the one that kene backstabbed and should be the one badmouthing la!
instead i didnt do anything and shes the one bitching!
sial.

hmm, just ignore this type of people la eh?
so anyway, yeah, the bbq was quite fun, even if i didnt understand some of the chats as my mandarin is atrocious! oh and i had planned to buy a white sundress from a pushcart stall for sentosa the next day, but the eating, chatting and goofing off made mie forget :((

so today (yesterday, since its 4.15 am now) i wore white tank with grey jeans, folded below the knees.. my new facebook profile pic. eheheh. actually sha wanted mie to wear my black capri pants, cuz shes wearing hers, then i thought hers were black too, so i wore grey. turns out, hers were grey too. both our shirts from cotton on. hahah. fated to wear the same stuff. besties pe. LOL

finally met nurul. haha. then actually could have met shin too, but she last min din go as she felt like vomitting badly.. i hope shes feeling better.. met her at cck around 220pm i think. we reached sentosa at 4 plus sia! lambatkan.. we were expecting 45 mins the most.. have to wait for the bus, the tram..
and when we reached right, putri wanted to go off alr sia.. but she waited a while uh.. took some pics together.. the guys kept spoiling our pics.. lol. btw there were only 9 of us. lol. ming putri nafis fahmi abu nurul sha mie.. got one more.. who uh..

RADEN..

hahaha! he`s my skewlmate and i forgot.
nothing really, after put left, we tried playing volleyball as there was some volleyball competition event going on.. then after that kene "chased away", since we`re not competitors or smth. then the people took away their crap, the net and all, and we finally had some of the beach. lol.

played soccer, the guys played in the water, i jaga the stuff since i was having menses..
ate pizza, drank juice..
quite nice la, thinking back about it.
i only wish more people came so it would have been livelier.

kkk i needa sleep. its 5am alr. nite

2009-07-29T21:17:00.003+08:00

raaaa...wrr...

feelin` real srsly very the maaalas to do my werk sia.. whats wrong with mie.. i cant fcking get inspired to do my own portfolio sia. shet. cannot like this sey..

anw, last wed went seoul garden with aan and his 3 of his sec skewl friends to makan.. actually it was their skewlmates gathering, then supposedly one girl was bringing her guy, so aan bring mie along, then skali the guy nv come sia. which makes mie the extra. lol.

and for essential right, if u missed payday, you have to wait til the next available wednesday. so today, i went kovan to take lar, since last week i cabut to go out with aan.

and then huh!
actually i calculated my pay to be 800+,
but idk why i only got 600+.
wtf!
but as i didnt bring my detailed records with mie,
either take it or leave it. :((
as in,
wait til next wed then take, or just take it now..
sucks right!!
there have been occasions where they miscalculated and gave people less lor!
cheebs..
after paying off what i owe people, very little left to spend sia.. :(((((((((((((((((((((
normally i set aside 300-600 for life`s pleasures, depending on hw much i`ve earnt..
this month cannot sia!! ;'(( D'=
and i lent phyllis 50..
then 2 class bbqs,
amk pay 10,
rss, idk yet, but its held at sentosa, and i wanne ride the luge..
i have only 100-200+ to spend only!!

im forever broke la. argh.
how nice it would be, to be a rich girl..

"estee was a rich girl,
nananananananananananana,
sed if i had all the money in the werld..."

boring sunday

2009-07-26T16:10:00.004+08:00

day before yesterday ended real bad, after we finished painting my room we quarrelled again,
and he gave mie a real disgusted look when he left :'((

hmm, yesterday was much better..
we went to Vivo/Marina Square/Suntec

didnt do much at vivo, just went to check if his Renoir is finished with servicing..
turns out it wasnt. while waiting there i surfed their mini-computers or whatever its called,
and i did some research on logos for my porftfolio homewerk, lol. cant think of a nice logo uh, for my mineral makeup brand..

then we almost got into a tiff, about where to eat. so stewpid right. he like angry i like angry. haha. finally decided to lunch at subway.. bby asked mie to buy for him and gave mie money. so i went to queue. then in front of mie there were 2 guys who were decked out in gym gear. one if the guys, his shirt sed, "personal instructor". i think they havent decided what they wanted to buy because the instructor suddenly looked at mie and moved back, then guestered for mie to move in front. but his angmoh friend was giving mie a weird look. so i was like, huh? so i stepped back. then the instructor was like, "???" then the 3 of us like so blur, LOL! after shuffling back and forth and giving each other weird looks the angmoh finally said to mie, "you go first." i was so weirded out i forgot to say thank you!!!!

then after makan we went to suntec,
aan just wanted to check it out and hopefully buy that TV he`s been dreaming of..
22inch flatscreen for 200 and below..
dont rly knoe much abt TVs, but i do knoe i like the one we saw at Giant the best.
its around 22 inch if i remember right, and altho it isnt totally flat,
theres an inbuilt dvd player or something and some memory card slots. kewlpe?
its $399 i think, or was it $299..?
but it wasnt what aan was looking for.

wasnt anything much going at suntec, quite boring compared to the previous years.
then i got a msg asking if i was free to go for Amway`s makeup demo,
but if my referer wasnt going then neither was i,
cuz i thought i`d feel weird. heh.

after suntec we went to marina sq, browsing between two shops selling lava lamps (he`d been hankering after them for some time alr) and since there was a promo, 2 for the price of 1, finally bought a pair, blue for him, red for mie..

afterwhich we went Mustafa to buy stuff.
so at the end of the day i owe bby $60. heheh. lava lamp inclusive la.
i`ll be going to collect my pay on the 29th, most likely alone :((
but after that can go shop shop!! WOOHOOOO.

then aan sent mie home, chilled at my place for 30mins or so,,
then he went to meet his friends..

then he`s werking today..
i miss him :((
helping him to surf around for tvs.
seeeeeee im such a nice girlfrrrrriend...
HAHAHAHAHA!!!
later making barbie doll clothes with my sister :))

bye ppl

2009-07-24T19:07:00.003+08:00

im so pissed with him right now.
so many effin times, i`ve waited HOURS for him,
because he keeps falling asleep.
i keep tolerating it because sometimes i knoe he is really tired,
but i`m srsly reaching my breaking point on this matter.

in the past, i would wait under my block for him to come pick mie up,
initially he would only be 10 or so minutes late,
then after some time it started to become like, half an hr.
i got increasingly fed up abt having to wait under the hot sun, bored, sweating and makeup smudging, so i started waiting at home for him.
because its like no point right, the moment he reaches mie he kene maki, then since he`s always late the scolding is always the same, then it becomes nagging..

and then its as if his mentality is like, ah she waiting at home only..
and now he`s always late by 1 hour, 1&half hrs.. like wtf!

2009-07-23T23:18:00.002+08:00

hey peepzsz.

just came back from another Amway [netwerk21] talk.
SO.
apparently they have 8billion bucks to their name, and their products are patented, and have a ninety-day-back guarantee.

They manufacture some stuff, i googled and wiki-ed them, but im far too lazy to list them out, haha, but they do have mineral makeup, i think. because of course i`d rather mineral, but then when i asked, the person was like, "whats mineral makeup?" 0.0 "but its organic luh.." i was like, diao.. ok.... smile... hahah!!

their cosmetics brand is Artistry.. and its supposedly one the the top five brands.. whether in terms of fame or sales, i dont knoe, i just knoe that i`ve, until recently, never heard of Artistry in my life. The other top 5 brands include Clinique, Estee Lauder, Lancome, and Chanel.. but like i sed, i`ve never heard of Artistry! im nt saying im some cosmetic guru-knoe-it-all, but srsly! oh yeah and its certified halal.

hmm.. ehhh... hmmm... they have skincare, makeup, health pills, vitamins, and home stuff i think.. you can go check out their site.. which i forgot (HAHAHAHA) you can google it no problem..

OKAYY NOW I WANNE COMPLAIN!
srslyy sia, the singaporean presenters SUCK! their english so koyak, lah lor huh all got, in front of an australian sumore. malu pe? either talk so fast its hard to comprehend, or grammar all wrong. oh! and one guy, at the end of practically every sentence he just had to add, hmm yah right k. lmao! maeby he nervous or smth. but yeah, like estees english so great. :PP

when the australian guy gave his speech, you could visibly see everyone straighten up and pay attention sia. he can really attract your attention and make u think abt what he`s saying. his name is Simon Thompson, and he`s been in the line for i-forgot-hw-long, and hes like a legend in Amway.. and they have some talk thingy at KL, and another guy frm Sweden or smth will be giving a talk.. 14 - 16 Aug.. RM200 for the 3 day ticket with a buncha freebies..

heh, anyway, cant wait to take my pay and go SHOPPING! i really wanne get a semi-formal jacket.. i saw one at zara some time back, dunno if its still available.. ira bought hers at i.p. zone, quite nice actually. yeah! i saw one i liked from ipzone too, dunno u ppl saw it b4 anot.. its white, zipped at the side, DAMN NICE. when i get my bike, and wear that jacket, fuuuuh!

LOL CEHH.

2009-07-20T13:18:00.004+08:00

WARNING - LONG POST AHAED.
3days in one post.

hmm, 3 days ago, my friend took mie to tamp, shop arnd, meet her kak lis, and they took mie to some business function and tried to get mie in their "crew". hahah. cuz for every active referral, they get 4% of what i earn, which would become their passive income. its a netwerk marketing thing. i took some notes at the talk, but i personally feel that the host talks abt what i alr knoe. srs!

"k like, the market and economy is always changing, deflating and inflating. so obviously, you would want to prepare yourself and protect your assets, so when theres another recession, you dont have to werry abt your job/money."

i mean, who dont knoe that! hahaha.

k this one does make sense,

"simply having money, active income, does not make one rich. when you have money, you have to invest, to have some passive income, to make up for what you have spent on that BMW or the latest shopping spree. its painfully obvious, but often overlooked in man`s quest for more. when people think rich, they often think having a good education, getting a good job, getting a good pay, save money. they think thats enough. but its not! active income is not good enough. you need to have passive income, which is why tycoons buy property."

makes sense, right!
and i was thinking, when i have the money, i`ll buy another apartment and rent it out. i will need to do alot of research so i`ll choose the right type that can generate more passive income.

OH! btw, if you`re reading and you dont knoe what active and passive income, active income is when you trade your time for money. so if you dont go to werk, you dont earn money. passive income is whereby your money is still generated even if you dont werk. like how tycoons invest. and i`ll be renting!! lmao. future is still uncertain la eh. :PP

hmm, another note, nt impt but i thought it was interesting:

to build your own company, theres always risk. only 1 in 5 new companies make it thru the 2nd year. the rest close down. then theres capital. you need money to set up everything.

and then like, to get started in their scheme, you need to dedicate 2 hrs a week. thats before you start selling their products, i guess. cuz this netwerk thingy right, like, company M manufactures an array of products. then person A becomes their salesman, and sell their stuff. and lets say he becomes busy, or wants to generate passive income, he can refer someone, say person B, into the company, under his wing. so they become one team. then if person B makes a successful sale, person A will get 4% of what B earned while B will get 21%. i suppose company M will take the rest. so the idea is like, if you have a team of successful salesmen under your wing, you get many 4%s as passive income..

but with the exception of those who intro it to mie, everyone is advising mie against it. i suppose i`ll listen to the majority then, since i`m nt so sure abt it myself..

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

k now abt then yesterday!

aan and i went zoo with 3 other firemen of his, colleagues ar, and their girlfriends.
it was quite fun actually.
saw the walrus show? no wait. uh.. sea lion? forgot! hahaha. but was quite nice..
then saw the elephant peeing.. standing with the legs wide open, like a human male. lol!
then the goats, and dunno what animals,
PEEEEYEEWWWWW !!
then aan was joking, "b you fart uh?"
haha basket!!
if he`s the one who farted, admit it la. dun push the blame to others. HAHAH!
jln2, the firemen joke arnd, take gay pics, have fun,

then for dinner we went lot1 makan..
then i tell you,
before going off to buy food right,
the girlfriends all sit down alr.
then the guys were like,
choosing numbers,
take a chance, see who kene sit with who.
maeby for them its fun uh,
but for mie its like,
your own girlfriends also dun wanne sit with, wth! :(((
then something told mie to choose number1 tau,
then i stubborn, go take the opposite remaining number, 4.
and you knoe what!?
aan was number 1!!!
DUCK PUCK GUCK HUCK WUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
damn pissed w/ myself sey.
but then i gave aan the finger :((
then after that all sit with their own matair xDD

i mean like, if we were all friends and not matairs, i wouldnt mind.
or if everyone was just dating..

kay uh, to the other 7 parties, if i spoiled the spontaneous mood for you,
im sorry.

but, aan is my boyfriend and no other girl is gunne sit with him!!!
only mie, the girlfriend. mwahahahaha! xDD
perhaps aku jealouz ar. hehehe <33
im like so deathly afraid he`ll leave mie for another tau.
it`s happened to mie twice alr,
phobia sey aku, skali happen with aan.
eeee. choi.
:((((

but okay, he spent the night with mie, made mie feel better..
he`s at werk nw while im slacking at skewl.
bby i miss you <33

2009-07-16T15:01:00.002+08:00

and yeh, as usual i was late, ira and lisz had to wake mie up and etc. lmao! like im their baby xDD

we`re starting to do up the portfolio at skewl alr. so excited seyy!
but nervous at the same time.
last night, i showed aan my werks, and asked his opinion, we compiled some of my werks to show to teachers.
showed them today, and they rejected all but 4 drawings.
SIAL UH
am i that bad???? T.T
if ite standard so high, poly hw?
and on top of that, i still have to touch up.

but cher consoled mie by saying,
"at least you have 4 drawings that can be used. phyllis dun even have 1!!"
hahaha!
but for lisz, i think her strong point is photoshop.. & photography i guess..

i have to have at least 15 best werk drawings.. then i think i`ll be choosing to specialize in print design.. since my drawing skills are freaking rusty.. dun think i can make a living out of drawing.. might post up some of my werks, if i feel like. heheh.

currently facebooking, later meeting aan, go watch movie! woohoo. watch hairy pottah. i wanne watch taking of pelham too.. before it goes out of the cinemas.. maeby catch it with friends or what uh. hee.

and then 4-3`s gathering at sentosa is on the 1st aug..
wonder what will happen :))

finally, some excitement in my life! :PP

im shaking real bad

2009-07-14T23:18:00.003+08:00

omg omg omg omg .
panic mode.
not ghost scared but shaken scared.
TAKUTGILESIAL

OKAY CALM DOWN!! YOURE GUNNE SOUND CRAZY!!!
when im scared/excited my speech will jump.
*breathes slowleeee . . . .*
k, although shaking`s still there, its subsided.

alright, i might just be reading too much into it.
ACK!
i have this 3D chat thing called imvu.
having gone broke in that game recently, i stopped chatting.
but today i decided to leave it running while i facebooked.
play3, then, as i was about to log off,
a girl wanted to chat with mie. avatars.imvu.com/guest_rmbme1
i decided to accept the request since its been a while since i last chatted.

exchanged greetings,
she said she anyhow clicked my name to chat with.
then i forgot what she said,
so i visited her profile, (the link given)
and saw that the male avvie in her pic is my friend.
then i was like, hey you knoe jylee too! small werld!
blah3, she thought i was his girlfriend sia.
i said no, i have a guy alr.
then she asked for my name.
i bedek ar, gave her my online alias instead xDD
Casey. (derived from my imvu name anyway, IntriCACY)
she sed her name is sandra (dunno real or nt =/ )
from hougang, and she`s a SP alumni, now some management trainee.
asked where im skewling.
i sed ite amk.
then she was like,
btw do you knoe estee?
k that RLY snagged my attention.
which estee? i knoe 2 estees. y?
cosplay the estee.
at that point i became cautious alr.. this person heard of mie thru cosplay??? not a good sign.. i took great care to say, "oh she quit cosplay alr, someone spoilt her name." haha
she was interested uh, askask,
then when i didnt answer her, she was like, -.- k nvm abt that, i just wanne strike a convo with you.
i tried to squeeze sumore info frm her ar, i asked,
how you knoe estee?
oh i have a friend in amk also, he got mention her before.
atm aku takut sey, srsly, who knoes what he say .. orng2 suke main namaku sia..
then i forgot what alr, i was on such a scary adrenalin rush,
my heart thumping and hands shaking..
and it didnt help because she was like so secretive,
"a guy la.."
"he`s in a design course ah.."
hey mie too! then i started talking a little abt dmd, hoping she would talk more.
tak layan aku sey.
then she was like,
lets not talk abt this. i just wanna strike a convo with you
but i kept prodding, i was acting on impulse.
didnt scold or what la, just ask questions.
i forgot some parts alr, i rmb saying,
"is he ansel?
no... -.-
then whos your friend? since estee is my classmate, maeby i knoe your friend too." (hoping to heaven it sounded casual)
"hw you knoe my friend?"
my friend say that shes pretty. dunnoe (she sed sumore, i forgot alr)
okok la, not that pretty but not ugly also. haha! (hoping i sounded like i was my friend)
after that she said her guy friend wasnt from dmd.
"a normal guy in the corner of the schoooooooool.."
then forgot what was sed next..
you sound like you knoe her well
since when i knoe your friend well -.-
why you so interested?? im not interested in estee -.-
i dun care abt her -.- just hear her name sometimes oly -.-
who is she? i dont care -.-

after an awkward moment of silence she "gtg bye"
obviously i blew it!! i was so nervous and typing without thinking.

like i sed, i might be reading into it too much, because after penning down this event i realize how ridiculous i sound.. but i dun like it when ppl talk abt mie!!! eeeee.. srsly sey i was shaking so bad at that point of time :(((

hmm...
first she knoes my friend, next she asked mie if i knew mie, then her friend also knoes mie.
i mean, hw does a 20yr old SP alumni FROM HOUGANG knoe mie?
what did her friends say abt mie? why did she lie abt her friends course?? who the hockey puck is her friend sia?

"some chat!"

2009-07-13T22:28:00.001+08:00

oh yeah and i wanne add that i finally started doing up my room!
the walls are mostly white and the bed is gone from my room.
soon i will shift my "new" table into my room and clear out the old table.
i`ve had that table for idk hw many decades.
and then paint the remainder of the walls, red.
then get a sofa-bed.
hopefully orange..? or yellow, perhaps.. or black.. or white... hmmm . . . .

... and, if possible (unlikely) , i wanne change the wardrobe! but my parents actually had it glued to the walls... arse sia.

hmm, should i include wall art?

had planned to put up "before" and "after" pictures but i forgot to take the before picture. heheh -.-

2009-07-13T12:51:00.001+08:00

i`ve a sudden urge to shoot beautiful pictures,
really good pictures.
pictures with the sky and clouds and colors..
pictures that really capture essence and emotions!
ceh. mcm phm.

the inner shutterbug in mie is so unhappy.
i`ve not shot good pictures in ages.
always have other things to do.
wanne get my own camera la..!
grrr.
for now i think i`ll borrow a DSLR.
wonder if huiling will lend mie hers?

currently photoshopping pictures for remy`s werk.
my online portfolio.
meera`s is rly good,
and mines next to crap. :(((
phucko man.
GERAM!

lately i`ve been toying more and more with the idea of ...
a tatt.
im thinking pheonix, since thats what my chinese name means,
and i`ve had to overcome shet and i felt like a was reborn CEHH
dun rly knoe where i want it, but it has to be swirly abstracty.
that and a mermaid, sumwhere on my leg,
and a music note behind my ear.
rmb phyllisw and i talking abt this..
she wanted her name just behind her ear.

.....

KAY BACK TO WERK!!!!

saved!

2009-07-09T18:46:00.000+08:00

9July2009----------

had a long talk with my darling just now..
cried, laughed..

talking abt our relationship.
i`d do nearly everything, to try and make us a happier couple.

we still love each other very much, im glad for that.
but sometimes i think im a little too selfish.
but then again, he didnt exactly tell mie why he wanted to go..
cuz one of his good friends is a NS-guy, while aan signed on alr..
and that pal of his is going to finish Ns soon..
so he wants to go clubbing with him before theres no chance to..
and that they`d been having an audit and their hard werk paid off as it went well..
and they wanted to have a good time after the stress..

i admit i didnt think abt that =/
im sorry bby :((
if i had known that from the start,
i wouldnt have gotten this upset..

so, we`re happy now.. :))
and he said he`ll meet mie tmr :))
cant wait!

at the end of the day, what i feel for him the most, is love.

2009-07-08T11:08:00.000+08:00

yesterday aan took mie to jp.
wanted to have dinner and watch movie, but didnt.
he got angry when i mentioned movie sia, even when i said i blanje him..
ses i keep wanting to watch movie.
well.. there are so many nice movies.. =/
and im a movie buff.. so...

but after that was quite nice,
its quite plain to see he did try to make mie happy,
manje-ing mie when its not his "style".
made mie feel very loved and happy :))

went looking for air-con remote as i`d misplaced mine, (its $55)
had dinner at burgerking,
where i stumbled and nearly fell for everyone to see, luckily i didnt!! xDD

laughed, kissed, held hands..
cant believe we`ve been together for a year alr..
i love you darling.

and then..
we went to the place where i asked him to be my boyfriend..
the park at bukit batok.. :))

it was like, 10pm only..
talked abt the past,
shared stuff..
connected just like the old times..

and then...
he sed something which kinda annoyed mie..
kinda went downhill from there..
but it was still pretty fine..
just some arguments which every couple has..

went for supper at my place..
sent mie back alr,
facebooked together for a while,

then.. hmm..
he said he wanted to go Double O with his station friends..
and i got upset..
a few reasons uh..
because he said he was trying to save money..
hence i`ve eaten supper alone for some time prior to our "breakup" ..
and yet, he`s frequently going clubbing and comedy clubs (hard rock) with his pals..
all we do is eat dinner..
i was kinda upset `bout that..
i dont knoe if im being greedy or jealous.. or if i even have the "right" to be angry.. =/
i just feel really bored, til i actually cried at one point of time..
those who knoe mie well will knoe that i always need something to do,
i cant stand being bored all the time..
:((

and the other reason i dun want him to go Double O..
im afraid to tell him this,
because i`m afraid he wont open up to mie abt what happens when he clubs..

but the last time he went clubbing with his station friends,
a couple of pretty girls came up to dance with them..
and if i remember correctly,
one of them danced with him.. and he danced back with her..
then after that he passed her to his friend, who happily accepted..
but the only reason he passed her over,
was because,
she turned out to be a he.
while i laughed at that time,
in my heart i was like,

if she wasnt a tranny, you would have continued dancing with her.
what if something more happened..?
if i danced with guys, how would he feel?

maeby im being paranoid or idiotic,
but i just cant stand this..
ive been hurt more than i can take, regarding this kind of stuff..
i`m easily werried when it comes to girls and my guy..

and despite mie telling him not to go Double O tmr,
he`s still gunne go ahead.

and thats one more reason why im upset,
because when i tell him im going wherever with my friends,
if he doesnt feel safe and asks mie not to go,
i`ll listen to him and stay at home.
i`ve done that so many times,
til some ppl pun malas to ajak mie out alr. :((

so why cant he listen to mie..? i knoe D.O. isnt a club, its more of a pub/bar, right?
but there`s still booze and music and girls..
(thursdays are always mat/minah night, btw)

tsk~ :((

2009-07-06T12:25:00.000+08:00

eee...!
this stupid boyfriend of mine..!!
he didnt mean it at all abt mie not measuring up..!
this iiidiot...

because when he`s sleepy he will mumble nonsense..
wtf..
but i do knoe, it means he is still the the good guy i always thought he was :))

i myself not exactly sure wtf happened,
but like almost a day after we called it quits,
but he came by my place around 12 or 1,
and we talked.. and i kept asking for us to be together,
because im willing to tolerate and make changes to we wont fight..
and as it turns out, bon`s bdae celebration cancelled,
he celebrated with his family..
so aan went out with his other friends..
i think they were talking abt us,
because aan told mie they made him realise how important i was to him..

im just glad we`re back together <33

breakups.. :((

2009-07-04T22:30:00.000+08:00

now would be a good time to play "littlest things" by lily allen..
aan and i have officially broken up..
:(( ..

i still love him so much,
i dont knoe if he still does..
he`s prolly having a good time..?
since theyre celebrating his friend`s bdae today..

he says he doesnt want to hurt mie anymore..
i dont measure up to the physical standards..
im short, im not busty, im not pretty enough..
at least he was honest, i guess..

im such a stupid girl for loving him still..
i thought we would last, i really did..
after the fights i always hoped for the sunshine and rainbows..
many things i did, i did with the hope and aim for a better long-term relationship.

i guess,
they were all in vain..?
crying wont solve anything,
but tears are streaking down my face still.
i knoe he loved mie sincerely..
once upon a time, anyway.

i`ll miss his younger siblings,
and i was just harboring hope of starting to talk to his sister more.
shes my age but i always dun knoe what to say. haha

sigh~
guess i should get some rest now. skewl is starting soon.
monday 8am..

2009-07-04T15:34:00.000+08:00

http://s0006.photobucket.com/albums/0006/pbhomepage/video1/?action=view&current=HamsteronaPiano.flv

the song is quite funny, in a "wtf" way

i dont knoe what to do,
i dont knoe how to save us..
i let you smoke,
i let you club.
it werries mie but i still let you go.
im trying to control my manje self alr,
trying to give you space.
i try my best to make you happy..
and you said that..?
when you told mie in the first place,
it doesnt matter,
and that you love mie for mie..
i can see it isnt true now.

bottom line;
guys are all the same. :((

2009-06-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

wow. feels like a super long time since i last blogged.

quite a number of things have happened ar..
been making mental notes to blog,
but always get distracted by facebook and sims3.
hehe.
so duh, forgot some of the things that`s passed.

aan and i finally watched a movie togther..
Ghost of girlfriends past.

the movie was quite racy, funny and cheesy, and at the same time, managed to make mie cry..
i cried like, 3 times? haha..

the story is abt how this boy had his first brush with heartbreak,
learnt to become a player from his uncle..
and in the process, hurt the only girl he ever really loved..
he slept with her and left in the middle of the night,
when she thought what they had was special.
then, much like a christmas carol,
3 ghosts came to visit the guy..
1 frm the past, one from the present, and 1 from the future..
and in the process, got to knoe that he would die an unwanted soul,
cause his younger brother to lose his fiancee,
and lose the girl he truly loved to someone else..
so after righting his major wrongs,
everyone got back/found their other half..
and he married the girl he loved..

finally sey.. a movie together after so long.
but he still wont watch action flicks.. :((
isnt fast and furious action also..
heh.

and yeah, my innernet is back,
paid like 460$ to fix my connection and lappie..
broke now..
my money also dunno fritter on what..
shopping, makan, cab, repairs..

so like i saed,
sha got job alr..
j co donuts and coffee or something..
at bugis.
so happy for her!
she can enjoy life in a while more..
when her pay comes..
hehehe..!

movie date with the girls cancelled..
sha going melaka..
argh. been looking forward to it,
since this holiday pretty boring..
dun have much deployment also..
hmm.
wanted to do up my room but then all the furniture still in the way..
my mum larh.
grr.

hai. dun feel like blogging anymore.
good night, its like 2am now.

2009-06-06T12:32:00.001+08:00

i had a weeird dream last night.
i dreamt i was on some group holiday at dunno where,
the hotel was like, princess chambers medieval type,
but modern enough to have a lobby surrounded by different lifts that go different places?? lol

dunno why, i started to jaga a bunch of ang moh kids.
suddenly they were in my "hotel" room,
and they started climbing out the window and onto the roof to take in the seaside view..
i wasnt even scared i dunno why.
i was just annoyed or something and told them to be careful.

after joking around, i watched them more carefully, but i didnt ask them in.
then the youngest in the group, like 7 or 8 like that,
blonde hair skinny girl,
she wanted to go out on the roof too.
when she was climbing out i just told her to be careful and was watching her climb.

then when she was a little distance away from mie,
she tumbled down the roof and fell off!!!!!
she fell off in slow motion sia, still remember the way her legs were flailing over the roof edge..
eeeeeeeeeee!!!

then i ran downstairs to the lobby to get to the seaside.
i was panicking lar, in the dream,
hurriedly asked the lobbyman which lift to the seaside.
then he was like,
oh this lift goes to the gardens, this lift goes to the shops, that lift goes...
then i ended up shouting at him.
then kena black face.

eventually when i reached the seaside, it was totally empty.
couldnt find anything. no body at all.

then WEIRDLY, the rest of the kids are missing.
since i was supposed to jaga them,
i went to find them la.
i just buat bodoh the girl sia!

i went here went there,
then wandered to some colorful garden.
Suddenly, i spotted 2 ang moh guys talking to a group of children.
i was squinting and straining to get a better look.
Yes! its them! my kids!
and suddenly i felt like the dudes were paedophiles!!
wtf ??!
and the 2 guys were leading the kids away..!
i was so scared!

i started running after them,
but i lost them.
then,
WHY ????????
i shouted my brothers name!
"ADAMM!!! GAAAVIINNN!!!!!"

and then gavin shouted back,
his voice was so faint.
but in the first place, why are they there too??!!?
i was supposed to be on holiday??
watching over ANG MOH KIDS????

WTF ?

then after that,

like, back to the future or something..
i was out with aan.
then aan went somewhere ar.
i was sitting there waiting for him.
then i saw him with his friends.
i shouted.
"AAN!!"
the guy turned.
he was like, huh?
TURNS OUT HE WAS AAN`S SECRET TWIN!!!
WEIRD, MUCH????!

so bewildered sey..
hahaha..

after that i needed the toilet..
turns out i had to crap..
and then i was stuck in there with no tissue -.-
so i msg aan to take for mie.

while waiting his twin suddenly came and sat with mie!
and the toilet just changed into a dysfunct escalator. -.-
then since the twin was with his friends, the friends sat at the escalator too.
like, imagine mie surrounded by a buncha guys,
sitting in the middle of a spoilt escalator...
srsly wut-the-eff lar!
then i got a phone call... or was it i called out... i forgot.
BUT OF ALL PEOPLE,
it was luqman.
SIAL PE?!!
of all the freaking people in the werld!

and then something i shan't say happened, and i slapped her!
i`ve never dreamt of hitting people before sey..

well..
brightsideis;
aan and i are on good terms again... :DD
lord, im so thankful..

oh and tmr is my sisters bdae but im werking because i forgot :(((
but i`ll wish her in the morning :))

2009-06-06T12:32:00.000+08:00

bwrhey no matter which path i choose,
awkepki have to soldier on.
etecphborn break up and pine, and eventualy find someone else,
ea kpa?t?ch or stay and experience more mixed emotions

im not sure of out status now also.
i wanted a break but i also dowan.

he sed what, want to fly away and have fun etc etc etc,
but he still wants to be with mie.

im sick of his bad points
but i still love him.

WTF AHHH

its been like, near a year since we had a nice chat on the phone

2009-06-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

doubts doubts doubts.
emotions emotions emotions.
sad sad sad.
angry angry angry
fed up fed up fed up.
verge verge verge.
giving up giving up giving up.

fluuuuuuuuuuubaaaaaaaaaahhhdeeee...
hahar.
if i wanne stay at home and sim everyday i`d better finish remy`s werk.
left to pretty everything up.

2009-06-03T16:02:00.000+08:00

finished angel ken`s werk, all except the photoshoot.
12 postcards.

remy`s flash stuff are suuper hard.
he finally helped mie a little but he talks so fast.
and my werk is looking srsly FUH-GLEE sia,
because of remy. he changed it around..
but at least he helped ar.
bear was the one that "made him help mie"
i think.
hahaha.

trying to spiff it up now.

so much has happened lately.
but i cant really remember it all,
these past few days have been kinda blur and blended together.
im getting dissatisfied with aan.
like srsly.
we never do anything fun together anymore.
relationship is getting fecking boring.
he`s getting busier and busier.
more and more tired.

that i understand.
but at least put some effort into us la!
his excuse is, everything needs money.
when the reason for not wanting to watch movies with mie,
is because of what happened in the past.
i blogged abt that event before (2nd march 2009)

THAT WAS LIKE EONS AGO CAN!
like wtf!?
hw many times i forgive and forget for him sia,
he cannot get over this.
and its like,
he could have kept his mouth shut about that right!!
which girl likes the boyfriend to say other girls hot sia..
we`ve never watched a movie together ever since that tau..
dun wanne shoot pool,
dun wanne go town,
qeihnbqiecbecnbiejnbp
HE DOESNT WANNE DO ANYTHIIIIING!!!!
HOW CAN ANYONE STAND THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

2009-05-31T00:28:00.000+08:00

mehh.
my innernet connection is fcuked up sey.
freaking irritated by it.
i live because of the WWW !!!
cheetote. no life sia, no innernet.
have to jostle and fight my siblings for the internet upstairs. (which i dont like to)
pearlface esp.
ANNOYING!

cant imvu, cant facebook, cant blog, cant do anything.
so freaking boring!

currently werking on my brochure for Breezy.
wont be sleeping til i finish it.
For the whole 2 years in ITE, i think i`ve werked the hardest on Breezy.
the others quite slack, and hence, ugly xDD

Still unfinished:
A4 Bus Ad (side and back)
Brochure (progressing)
Postcards [need 12]

Deadline: 28 May (over)
Extended deadline: Coming Monday. Have Sunday left to finish everything!
I havent finished remy`s things also lor.
dluinkrelhyim because he doesnt help mie =/

And i think, tmr`s swimming will be cancelled.
Cuz i have a feeling aan will be too tired.
Both of us were looking forward to it :((
Well, another time then :))

Heh, better continue my werk.
buaiyez!

2009-05-25T17:19:00.001+08:00

im like so tanned now!!

went east coast with my dad, gavin, mei, and daddy`s fren and his 2 boys.

then after that the other family went to visit their grandma.

my dad got his friend to give us a lift to wild wild wet,

where my family spent the afternoon.

fun sey. lol.

got some of the lifeguards, quite cute ar. hehe.

i experienced some stupid and petty stuff that made mie a lil upset ar,

but i shant mention most of them here.

the only one i`ll say is that i think i mst have looked terrible.

because a lot of people were looking at mie.

mostly guys ar,

but girls also got look2.

so its either i looked good or i looked bad lor.

and i think its the latter.

i was just wearing a modest, darkblue two-piece.

whatever ar. lawl x))

and CHEEBS, can wear tshir and shorts lor!! if i had known i wouldnt have changed lor! grrrr.

2009-05-22T13:36:00.000+08:00

so,

yesterday we went bottle tree park at khatib..
kewl sey
had fun snapping pics.
altho, seeing the DSLRs huiling and phyl own,
i sorta want my own too :PP

cuz the walkman phone i was using didnt have macro and stuffs.. should have used the p1i or my cybershot phone.. damn.

and like phylly sed,

we actually walked one huge round under the hot sun,

AND SHE WAS THE LEADER!!!!

hahahha.

but well we had funn :DD

this poor uncle

huiling actually brought 2 cams. ones a dslr, the others a fish-eye thingy. the white one is hers. but the other cam in the pic belongs to lisz.

hahha i actually had the idea to take evryone`s facial portrait. heres mine, i snapped it myself xDD the rest supposedly got deleted. lol. think better for hem all also!! ahahaha!!!

i`ll upload pics I took some other time, if i feel like. =/

2009-05-20T18:11:00.000+08:00

Im so addicted to this song right now, "Inevitable" by Anberlin.
the chorus goes like,

Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now

I wanna be your last, first kiss
That you'll ever have
I wanna be your last, first kiss

Amazing how life turns out the way that it does
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love

I wanna break every clock
The hands of time could never move again
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)
For the rest of our lives
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now

Littlest Things by Lily Allen

I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

whats happening to us...?

2009-05-14T21:11:00.000+08:00

im kinda pissed.
my dad initially said i could have 2 things and get one thing done:
a netwerk booster for my room, The Sims 3, and get my laptop reformatted.

after dangling that and asking mie to do stuff for him,
he tells mie he doesnt like the idea of mie having internet access in my room.

what, he thinks i`ll surf porn or something izzit?
mie? watch porn?! wtf.
people fuck caterpillar got higher chance sial.
what an insult.

or maeby im just feeling cheated.

when the hell is my pay coming seyy....
effing hate bein broke.
when i get my money i`ll buy it myself. -.-

2009-05-14T09:51:00.000+08:00

hahahaa, im in class now, and i dont knoe what the hell is up with my malay classmates.

"PorK!!"

"pawwwwk!"

"old macdonald had a farm, pork pork pork porkpaawwwwwk!!"

*snorrrt*

"wok wawwwk!"

"er so the InDesign.. *stupid sounds* "

*bird sounds*

a lot of stupid stuff sia. haha

2009-05-06T20:44:00.001+08:00

happy anniversary darling!
its been a year alr. wow.

quite good i must say. altho it wasnt aways..

i remember the fights,
i remember the laughs..

todays celebration started on a bad note.
i had bought a dress but when the day came,
i realized my procrastination, impulsiveness and assuming had led to my dress,
being not suitable for mie.
i`ll have to get it altered someday, when i have more dough.

anyw, yeah, and i was all
rushed
sweaty,
back aching
pissy mood

and my lense had to tear.

pissed, i ran to the store and bought a new pair.
Im a so-called regular there and the guy greeted mie cheerily.
instead i showed him a black face. (note to self: apologize when i next pop by)

I get my lenses, and run back home.
Even more sweaty and grumpy, i fumble around with the dress,
and, running late, decided to, "eff it" and wore my prom dress. -.-"
not what i had planned for so long, but hey. at least i was clothed. lol.

we met up, and i was complaining and he was grinning -.- whats so funny?
he got a lil pissed i guess, by what i said (which i forgot)

while on the way, i tried to calm myself down. this was no way to celebrate one year!
after a while, i was okay, just wondering where he`d reserved our dinner and stuff..

and then we hear a small pop, and his bike wobbled. i ignored it and continued daydreaming, but then aan turns around and says, "damn, i think the tyre just burst."

we werent even close!!! to the restaurant, i mean. so far. we were near Rail Mall and i think the destination was at town.

He got really peeved and i tried not to be a nuisance so i just sat and kept quiet. but i was really sad, first mie, then him, and his recent days at werk had been pretty lousy. why more shit? i actually pleaded with God, and i think He answered, because after a while everything went smoothly :))

We eventually dined at Sweet Salty Spicy, a Thai-influenced restaurant, where I stuffed myself. A tad under-valued, but it was still pretty good :DD
I was expecting it to be all, spicy and red and laksa-y, but it was alright. The atmosphere was dark and soothing, comforting us..? ceh. hahahaha.

ksrsly, im going to get rly
mushy.

My proclaimation of lurrve!

to Mr. Muhammad Farhan

Bin Abdul Majid!

those who arent interested,

FLY AWAY NAOW.

(ahem)

Aan,
i knoe i have my flaws.
i am easily hurt,
merajok easily,
& get jealous over small things.

Thank you for tolerating mie, and not giving up on us.
For being steadfast with your love and not letting mie go,
during the numerous occasions where i had wanted to give up,
you deserve something rly rly riieellly nice.
Be it money, time or effort.
Tell mie what you want
i`ll try to give you, to the best i can.

Thank you for being patient with mie,
when im throwing tantrums,
when im clouded and overwhelmed with emotions,
and for taking the time to explain to mie your view of the picture,
when i knoe the gears in my head rotate backwards at times.

I want to promise you so much,
so that our relationship would be better,
but i`m afraid of failure, as
i cant change my thinking and certain habits that easily.
its been 4 years since that prick,
and although im much more stable than before,
sometimes my alarm bells still go off at the slightest change or action.
im not saying that you are like him,
i just act on instinct(?) unknoeingly..

Ayg,
i love you so much, with all my heart.
to the point whereby, i would miss you almost immediately after you leave my place.
and i hope, i never have to feel a sense of loss bigger than that,
when its regarding you. :))

2009-05-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

i feel like i didnt accomplish anything for the whole of the past week.
hmmm.
cant be like that alr.

anw,
lisz, drew and mie treated mie to lunch 2 times straight,
at restaurants i`ve never eaten at before.
thank you thank you sooo much..
very nice :))
we ate until so fuuuuuuuulllll...
and i walked like a pregnant woman to the toilet. lol.

later im going to a friends bdae gathering.
hmm..
nsjfq5h lirgsjkvgkut5igrfn cxnj, fkruwth;wugrsf,z c,t4;uoafl/djzv.cm
im very disappointed wih aan.
but cant entirely blame him also la..??
the moment he picked up the phone i was whining away.
hai.

2009-04-20T10:01:00.000+08:00

wakwakwak!

hiyos ~~~
im at skewl nw. late as usual =/
I REALLY rly cuuudnt wake up today.
the moment i sat up on my bed, my back began to ache.
then those who knoe mie well,
uh la.
i lay back down,
so comfy la!
and i promptly fell back to slumberland.

been werking everyday for the previous week,
Singtel rdshw.
srsly penat sey.
if the weather wasnt srsly HOT,
it was raining.
but i prefer raining uh, can slack and chat amongst ourselves.
hehehehehe.
and the search for the next grid girl is ON!

"if you knoe anyone, or think you have what it takes to be the next beautiful Singtel Grid Girl, come on down!"

lawl.
Some of the girls srsly nt pretty lor!
hahahaha! estee so peachy, shut up.
had fun werking uh, despite everything.
fanning kiut babies. hahahaha!

after werking the last day of the rdshw (sun)
met aan, and we had dinner.
didnt go as well as i would have liked,
but part of it is my fault also la i guess.
:(((

but it turned out ok la,
he was manje-ing mie to make mie feel better :)))

K IMMA GO EAT NW - TOODLES MY POODLES!!!

2009-04-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

And i said like I wanteda bag!
i have yet to check out the stuff at Prada,
but i fell in love,
and bought myself a bag from Charles & Keith.
alright price i guess. Definately nt as exp as Prada or whatnt,
but it wasnt dirt cheap either.
looly-lawlz.

went out with shinyin, then went yana`s hse with her and sha.
din meet aan as he wanne meet his friends.
okay then :))
werking this weekend.
come drop by!
hehehe

2009-04-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

oh & btw,
ive been thinking of buying a Prada or Burberry bag,
to match my Dorothy Perkins purse..

But see how la,
because im gunne be picky picky pieeeky because imabe spending bieeeg money here..
i havent checked out Prada`s prices,
only Bonni.. the Bonni line is SRSLY nice! but its leather!!!

i dont want:
leather, blah design, or too eye-catching/fancy.

Want:
versatile design,
shape/backing (so it doesnt flop arnd)

can anyone help??

off-topic,
i dont like Louis Vuitton.
esp the trademark design.
the BROWN one,
because its wayyy too common.

pls dont think im now the elite-snobby-shopper type,
im only interested in the labels because im sick of buying cheapo crappos that end up rotting in the cupboard.

if the brand is so famous, the quality should be better because they
have a rep to uphold, right???

2009-04-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

Werking my legs off this/next week,
so i wont rly be on to update.
facebook and IMVU activities also cease alr,
everyday need to wake up at 8 liao.

Heard that theres a female promoter that rly can push phones,
no contract sumore.
wonder whats her tactics;
wanne learn ley.
unless she show skin or smth.
LOL.

effing irritated lately because theres always no food for mie to eat at home,
ESP after werk when i need good food the most.
Only bread and maggi lor!
been sleeping and going to werk on empty stomach,
means only 1 meal a day!!!
omg i just realized! -.-
maggi at home also is really just the maggi noodle only lor,
maeby an egg the most..
can add veggie but i dunno hw to cook. -.-
breakfast at times also the same,
wtf lor.

well on the bright side,
for this month i will have werked,
Fri Sat Sun Mon Tues Wed.
almost a week.
would earn around..
a decent amount.
gerek sey!!

2009-04-08T01:01:00.000+08:00

recently on the 5th i went out with aan, to acknowledge our 11 months together.. just a simple "supper" ? save the grandeur for the real anniversary :DD

someone once askd mie. "estee why you blog no pictures one?"
hahaha, well here they are!

the place is pretty nice i guess. we were talkng abt a plan that he and his friend has.. haha. and i gave him the ring that i bought. perfect fit! but im afraid its too tight or something, but hey its better than loose :DD

currently at phyllis` house, having sudden sleepover. lawl. she just asked mie out of the blue, then since i was so bored, i just went for it lor. hahaha.

aan is busier these few days, and next week onwards he will be sooooper busy, with 2 courses in one go, day after day morning til night lo. :((

miss him.

and ive been so bored lately, since he`s busy and all.. i kinda stopped lepaking with lis`z friends uh, aan nt comfortable.. we talked so many times abt this before, then initially we compromised on 3 days per week. but then now things are different? and i got bored with not enuff talking, LOL. hmm anyways these days im entertaining myself with facebook apps and IMVU. hahah im a dev now!!! yeayyy.. learning to make kewl stuff. Imma be the next Cassiopeia! yeah right at this rate im going, LOL. i needa buy creds uh, grrr. everyone thinks its so stupid. my dad, aan, phyllis.. Lawl.